Allow me to start out today with the opening poem of my self published book from 2011 (Heart Matters; Around Abouts and Previous Pieces):
Let It Come
Patrience – precious mode of being
Watching, waiting, feeling, seeing
Landscapes from an eagle´s view
The Flow will guide the Adventure of You
Yesterday I opened my blog, new post page…. and just sat staring at it. Completely empty inside. No word to be heard. Quite frightening! 🙂 So this morning I said to “My Self”; “Please help me know what to write about today, as I really would like to keep posting on a regular basis, a bit frequently, so new stuff pops up not too often but also not too many days apart…”
Immediately “Let it Come” came to my mind. So here I am now.
I don´t have a clue what I will write after this sentence here now.
And this unknowing, having no idea what words will come the following moment, is the greatest both challenge of writing. And excitement as well. Just sitting, looking out the window. Listening to the birds. And suddenly something comes through. Love it.
It´s a bit like being alive in general. At least my life. Some people I guess plan their lives. I never did that. I just took one step at the time, letting my heart choose the direction. Studied one subject at the time at university (that´s how the system was back then). First I studied politics, found it dry and moved on to anthropology. Loved that, so I stayed for an extra semester. Then did media science, and their third semester was taught by famous Manchester anthropologist Graham Murdock, it was a course on Consumer Culture, so I did that semester too, though it was developing my degree width-wise, not the normal depth-wise… After that I took a semester of organizational psychology, because I always loved psychology and I could live off my student loan if I kept on studying.
Same with my love life. Met a Brit age 21, and moved to Wales a year later. Travelled around the world with him (quality control in the oil biz), and went back to uni from time to time to pass an exam. 6 years later we broke up, and I moved back to Bergen. Met a Dutch guy a year and a half later, moved in with him, moved back out 3 years later… Two exhausting breakups which I don´t want to dwell on more than to say I learnt a lot about what I want and don´t want in a relationship.
In 2005 I went to a kiromantic (hand reader) and asked him whether I was supposed to take my master degree in anthropology. He said: “What does your heart say? Does it become happy when you think about studying?” I said “No…. I don´t know… that´s why I ask you…” “Well, when your heart says I don´t know, that means you are in doubt, and doubt means simply “not now”. Maybe you will study later, but not now.”
I stared at him. I could actually feel that his answer was the right one for me. “You know,” he continued, “the heart speaks in only yes or no. Your intuition. It tells you whether to take a step forward or not to. So whenever you are in doubt, just ask your heart. Do I want this? Then notice your feeling. If it´s not a YES! feeling, then wait and see, then maybe later, but not now.”
That is a very useful thing he told me there. And now you know it too.
Why I talk about him now, is because he also taught me something essential about letting it come. He told me that one of my main challenges to grow through this lifetime, is to trust in Spirit. To rest assured that I am taken care of. When there is no work, and I don´t know what to do next… “It´s like your helpers are sitting on a fence, smiling at you, saying “you just do what you are supposed to do and we will take care of the rest!” He said…. “Your hand shows what we call bird feathers, a sign of being able to write. I think you should allow your love for writing to be your main focus. That and mothering. Move out of the video production community that you say is filled with drama between the participating people. Make a peaceful space for your mothering and your writing. You will be headhunted for projects, teachers will come to you when you need them to, things will happen in strange ways…”
Again I just stared at him. His words went straight to the core of my being. Things always seemed to happen to me the way he described. I once wished I had a job in a certain film documentary company, and a while after I expressed that wish to myself, I was hired as a director´s assistant in a cinema movie project, about refugees living in Norway, I worked there for 18 months! And that was just one recent example of many things synchronizing for me.
He read my palms, and taped the session on an old fashion cassette, that I could bring home. I listened to that tape probably about 100 times. It gave me a lot of strength. I was amazed at what he could tell me about myself from looking at my hands. His name was Kundan. Norwegian man. In case someone wants to try him.
Let it come… yes… It is not that easy, you know. Not to know where I will go, what to do, allowing stuff through, waiting for the next step. Then again, I´m getting better and better at it. I´m in such a period right now, where I have no income, and no sight of a regular job to apply for. Because I know in my heart I want my small kids to be in kindergarten only half time. 9-1pm. And this of course strongly limits my options, as if I get work on shore, the ferryride plus the waiting for the ferry and driving to the work place, will add an hour´s transport to each end of my working hours. Hence I will have to place them in all day kindergarten. And my heart just says no to that. My youngest is not even 3 yet. I know many people do it, and get used to it. But I´m just not … built that way? I have to go with my conviction.
When possible. Heaven knows I have worked in a fish factory one winter, in order to save up money so I could finally go to India! (Which didn´t happen after all, coz I suddenly met the Dutch guy, and then got the movie job almost simultaneously, and decided to stay in Bergen instead). Point is, I will make sacrifices when necessary. I´m not a spoilt princess afraid of work.
For now, I will keep them in kindergarten half time. I work on this blog, and if Luck strikes me, someone will contact me and want to pay me for advertizing on my site.
Secondly, I keep doing my training as a sound healer. I will make journals of 30 treatments before my exam in December. So this will lead to income in a while. My teacher is hitting Danish television as we speak, she’s been asked to appear on breakfast tv tomorrow, Saturday morning, and also to be a sound healing expert in an upcoming programme called “The Madsen brothers present the future”, where they will look at weird and wonderful new technologies and ways of life…. (They are shooting first episode today, I wish I could be in the audience but Copenhagen is 4 hours away from where I live…) So basically I expect sound healing to be quite popular and sought after pretty soon. I will just practice and get myself ready.
These are simply my two strategies. They don´t generate instant income. But I will let it come. I do trust that everything is as it is supposed to be, and when I tell the universe I am grateful for everything being taken care of, this has proved to work for me time and time again. It sounds peculiar, but. I ask and I receive. Mystical, magical and most mmmlovely it is. 🙂
Right. 1436 words. Pretty good for not knowing what the next word would be, when I started. Again, trust. Step aside and let it come. Allow it through. The only hurdle on your path is you. That is so funny and so annoying. But I guess it´s true. 🙂