Category Archives: Health

Only Human

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super lazy with a cape

Hehehehehe….yeah….a blanket cape on my supersofa… 🙂
Was to a jam session last night, brought my hand drum…free beer…so I’m knackered today.
Managed to drive out to the beach, though. My kids are totally crazy about water. I dipped my feet and enjoyed watching them run around. Now we are home again, and I’m not going to move much more today. We are going to make sushi. That’s all I volunteer for.

happy sexlets family

Isn’t thwt just one of the loveliest family photos you have ever seen? The way they curl up around their dad’s body there, smiling…. so adorable.

grønland1

This is a picture from Greenland, taken by my neighbour, who went there just a few weeks ago…amazingly beautiful…

hedgehogs babies

Here’s one more way cute family… I love hedgehogs…

This is becoming a bit of a strange blogpost. But some days just looking at nice images is plenty enough brain activity, huh… 🙂 Let me see if I can find one more image…no alarm clock

Yeah! Best thing about school holidays is the freedom from the alarm clock. Indeed. I think school should start later in the morning than 08.10, like it does here, every single day. I believe they would learn better if they started say ten instead.

One last image and then I will…take a nap, I think.

only human

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Your past is just a story

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I was going to tell you about a children´s play in the woods that we went to yesterday, each year they set up a show in a huge tent, and more than a hundred people participate as actors!

But my phone and WordPress won´t co operate today it seems. So that story will have to wait.

In the meantime, I will share with you a chain of good posters…

Such as this one:

past is just a story

Quickly followed up by this one:

Tolle, present in the moment

Then this one:

build the new socrates

And this one:

happyness starts with you

I find these posters compact in meaning…
In just a couple of sentences they give me plenty to ponder and ways to wonder…

Let me just conclude it all with this one:

the right kind of weird

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A meditative state of being

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I adore this man. Allen Ginsberg. The beat poet.
I have not read all of his stuff, no. I can´t say I know his work. I haven´t even watched all the films about him on Youtube. He´s sitting there in dialogue with very interesting people, I can see. I will watch that when I get the time. And absolutely read more of his beat as well.

The reason I love him so much, is that I accidentally came to a concert he had at “Hulen/The Cave” in Bergen. In 1994, I think it must have been.
And he sang the song I have linked to here. “Do the meditation amd learn a little patience and generousity…” One thing is the great lyrics, another is the charming melody. But his energy. His radiating in a way that makes me feel moved, makes me smile and listen up and feel alive.

That´s why.

meditation u lose these things

I learned to meditate at age 20. All about that can be read in my blogpost “Temple zen la Gendronniere”.
I learned to meditate and to practice awareness, presence in the moment. Zen.
It has made a huge difference in my life. One that I am extremely grateful for.

quiet mind soul speaks

Shiny, still mirror
Sword slashes the autumn storm
Smilingly quiet

(A haiku I wrote, 1992).
After reading a book called Meikyu shisui. “Blank mirror”.
Or was that just a concept in the book “The sword of no sword”?
Either one or the other.
I entered the knowledge of meditation through the martial art iaido. Japanese swordmanship.
(That too is described in the post “Temple zen la Gendronniere”)

This song, “Maya”, is in itself a guided meditation, in my book! To listen and drift with it, practicing REALLY listening is good exercise into being aware in the present.

Tolle, present in the moment

Eckhart Tolle. I love his books and his youtube talks… Few have managed to talk about these matters with his level of … clarity …

water settle, mirror...Rumi

Rumi… Such an amazing poet…

I will finish this post with one last piece of music.
This is the song my daughter no.2 was born to, at home in water, 8/4 2010. Viola, her name is.
A song I often listen to when in the bath tub or shower.
Singing along to it makes me feel relaxed and meditative.
It´s all about that breath. Singing long tones is a good tool.

So many ways to meditate. Be alert, some call it cat consciousness… total presence. Whilst at total rest. Like a cat. 🙂
It doesn´t have to involve sitting still in a lotus. That´s difficult to us westerners.

Osho has many tips for ways to meditate, to turn within, still the mind.
Many of them are playful, where the mind gets to be a part of the process, gently being pushed aside but with a loving smile. Reducing the fierce resistance the mind/ego will come up with when it feels its control is threatened.

To try and explain the inexplainable.
Tao te ching is one of my absolute favourite books.
Here is the text on page one, wrapped in meditative visuals and music…

One of my favourite meditations when I was younger, was this one:
(Only in the version we did it in Bergen, we would sit down and be still, instead of standing like a statue. The contrast from all the movement feels tremendous, and a lovely empty spacey feeling filled my mind and body, I remember… The finishing up in free dancing, so soul soothing… This meditation allows freedom to express emotions in a very helpful way…

Okay. I could go on and on I see. Let me return to that meditative song my daughter was born to.
Meditation is not necessarily an activity that you do.
It is a state of being.
With practice, one becomes better and better at it, and then a busride can be the perfect place for tuning into a meditative state of being, or walking in a garden can, or feeling raindrops on your skin…
Aware in the present moment, with a silent mind.

Namasté.
(I recognize the part of you in which we are One).

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Body Image

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not get out alive

Until I got pregnant first time age 32, I had a perfect body (in my own view at least). Slim, athletic and strong, a size s/m, which I could slip into a pair of Levi´s and a funky t-shirt, and that was that, ready to roar and to score. 🙂

I never wore make-up or high heels. As I think those shoes are uncomfortable and unhealthy and unpractical. And lipsticks smells weird, and mascara smudges and I don´t feel I have all that time to spend in front of a mirror. (I wear mascara and an eyeliner sometimes when I go to a party, that´s as far as it goes).

Well. Now that I have born three children, my body has changed. A lot and for good. I suspect.
No more slim waistline. And a few kiloes heavier than before.
Just after I stopped breast feeding, I have all three times gone down to the size I was at age 25.
But sadly, the weight has changed back up again a few months later.

I do eat healthy. Very little fat and sugar. Lean meats, chicken, fish, fruit and vegetables mostly.
I´m cutting down on the wheat. Dark bread in smaller amounts. If pasta and rice, then darker looking versions. Not so much potatoes either.
But.
Not too sure it will help loads.
And you know what?
I can´t be bothered!

I refuse to go jogging. I HATE that activity.
I would love to dance more. But don´t have a lot of time for it.
(And if it happens at night on a dance floor, I will be quenching that thirst with drinks full of calories oh yes I will)!
I do those…what are they called in English… kegel exercises… I recognize they are vital.
I would do badminton if I could find a friend and a time that fits my young children schedule.

Anyways.

freedom is being yourself

I do not allow anyone to tell me what I´m supposed to look like to be accepted.
Men just look like themselves and no one thinks about it.
It is not my duty to look pretty!

a real woman

As for what about the feeling of being sexually attractive?
Well, in my (not so humble) opinion, being sexually attractive does not have that much to do with the way your body looks. It´s got more to do with the vibe you send out, your self confidence, your radiating that you feel at home inside youself, you look at people with a spark in your eyes, showing you have plenty of energy and a sense of humour, and you can see straight through anyone, into the child within that each of us truely remains at core… That´s attractive to me. That´s sexy.

Yesterday I went to the mainland to see my dentist, and the weather was all wet and windy, more autumn than June look-alike… After the dentist I strolled the walking street, grateful to be out and about all alone, not having to deal with kids´ requests all the time… I decided to go into my favourite café, Queen Louise´s, at Esbjerg´s town square, and when I came in, the perfect corner table by the window was standing there waiting for me!

This was the view I had, from my Chesterfield sofa:

20150602_145848

So I ordered a pint of a brilliant lager (“Fynsk forår”; “Fyn-ian (Danish County) Spring”)…
And as I usually do, I wrote a few texts.
It is the most relaxing thing to me. Pen and paper, alone at a café table, those soothing noises of people chatting in the background, some 80s pophits on low volume…the sips of beer..adore it.

Here is one of the pieces I wrote, which is why I write about this issue Body Image today:

Body Image

Maybe you think my ass is too wide
or my face a bit wrinkly or my tummy too big.
But “sexy” is a quality I carry in my stride,
in my glance when it lingers unafraid where I want.
My body´s my ship, it´s no longer a new one.
But this captain has eyes that have conquered and won.
My hips love to dance and my lips they have humour.
Sexy becomes me, I will never be done.

woman her own best friend

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Lazerized eyesight

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Not to be confused with x ray vision, although it was pretty superheroinic of me to dare lie down and allow them to burn my eyes into glasslessness…

I saw this tv commercial saying that one could have lazer operation on one’s eyes for free if one’s sight was bad enough. one just had to go into a Memira office and they would check out whether one was entitled.

Next thing, I walked out of my optician’s one day and looked straight at a Memira office. Thought ok then, why not, and took the test and she said I absolutely qualified to getting it for free, as my eyesight was totally horrendously terrible.

I booked appointment at an eye specialist’s, who confirmed my rights and sent me to Odense University Hospital. They checked my eyes for tissue thickness, angles and this and that, a computer took all the data of my eyes. She explained the operation and consequences in detail, I confirmed I wanted to move forward, and she gave me an appointment for the operation. And a perscription for four different types of eyedrops, plus a small white pill to be taken 90 minutes prior to the operation, diazepan was it?  Something relaxing, anxiety lowering.

The day for the operation came. 14.of October this year. Three weeks ago now. In the waiting room, a nurse came to me and dripped something into my eyes, anasthetics, this was supposedly enough to make my eyes feel nothing. She told me she would come back for me in ten minutes. My husband would not be allowed to come inside the theatre with me, in case he would disturb the two doctors’ focus on me. Sounded reasonable enough.

So I was picked up, and walked inside. The nurse and the doctor, both women, ordered me to sit down and I got one of those blue baghats on my head. Blue bags on my shoes too.  She then took a pen and drew two dots on each of my eyeballs! I felt nothing. Weird eyedrops can make that possible.

The doctor told me she was going to explain every detail to me throughout the process, and nothing would be done without me knowing it beforehand. Then I laid down on a kind of operating table slash scanner bed which in design looked a lot like a blade from a swiss army knife. Once I was in place, they swung me in underneath or inside a machine, my head placed underneath something that looked like binoculars.

“Right. Soon I will ask you if you can see the green light,” the dr. said. “When you say yes, I will lift your bed up close to the lazer. A “sucktion cup” (directly translated from Danish) will come down and fasten to your eyeball. You may feel a little pressure. The clasp I have fastened on you, makes it impossible to blink, so you can’t do anything wrong. Just lie still, and don’t talk or scratch your face the thirty seconds the lazer is working.  Once you are positioned correctly, I switch the computer on, and the lazer does as it has been programmed to do. After the thirty seconds are up, I spend about two minutes removing the loose bits and putting the flap back onto your eyeball like a lid, I moisturize it and then we move on to the other eye where the same procedure is repeated. Are you okay with this?”

“Yes.”

I was impressed by the efficient and detailed informing. She moved on to tell me that once the lazer started, the green light would move out of sight and everything would become foggy for a short while. This was normal. She could see everything that I saw through her binoculars. I was just to keep my glance straight forward, where the green light had been. “Okay,” I said.

The doctor started, and the computer said “Induction started. Beep!”

She  told me “now it’s going all foggy, this is normal, just relax, only five more seconds now….and there we are, you may talk again.”                         But there was nothing to say. No questions were unanswered, no comments necessary. Very relaxing, I felt very safe in her care.

She did the replacing of the lid as she had explained, and started from the beginning with the other eye. It took half a minute with the lazer per eye, and two minutes’ post production work or what they call it in the medical business. i.e. 5 – five – minutes all together, to fix my eyesight so I would be free from using glasses and contact lenses. From severely handicapped to clear vision in five minutes!! The cost of the operation is 40.000 kr per eye when you pay for it yourself, unless I have it completely wrong. This is what I have heard.

So five minutes and 80.000 kr later… they swung my swiss army knife blade, operating bed out from the machine, and I sat up. “Are you okay?” Asked the nurse. “Yeah……. I’m just a bit surprised, because I can see you without my glasses on!” I replied. They both laughed. “Yes, it’s amazing, isn’t it?” they said, big smiles.

We shook hands and I left. No pain whatsoever. I was extremely tired that whole day, lay in bed with my eyes closed, mostly. But there was no pain. My eyes felt dry, a bit sore. Like I needed to take out my contacts.

The following day I went back to the hospital for a check-up, and they were thrilled my eyesight was so good already. Another check-up a week later. And I will go back for a three month check-up. I used four different eyedrops the first two days, then stopped the painkiller drops and continued the ones that were anti infection, the ones that were pro healing and the ones for liquid balance. After two weeks, only the liquid balancing ones were necessary. I will continue to take them 6-8 times a day for two months in all.

So. I can see clearly now, the fog has gone. I can see all the obstacles in my way… I definately got that whistling feeling….

Every morning I fumble for my glasses on my bedside table.

And then I spot the alarm clock and realize I can see the numbers!              I remember I don’t use glasses anymore now, and get all happy inside.      It is a wonderful, brilliant way                                                                                             of starting another new day.

I want to warmly thank the Danish state                                                                    for giving me this operation for free.                                                                          And thanks to Memira and all the medical staff.                                                          I truely love being a seeing being!

 

 

 

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Broken Bones

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It´s a quarter passed five in the morning. Been upstairs comforting my fouryearold daughter. She fell from the bed whilst playing last night. Seems her collarbone is fractured. Going to see the dr.in the morning.

She is ever so brave about it. I have explained to her that her skeleton is like a twig that has been broken. That it only hurts when she moves her shoulder. That it hurts a lot, and the body will fix it but it will take some time. I asked her if she now understands why I always tell them to calm down when they play rough games on the bed. She nodded. Message received.

I normally tell them to ease up, her and baby bro, when I hear them play like that. But last night I was busy, watching their big sister show me her new dance routine. I thought they would be allright, as always. Then the scream. Shudders down my spine.

It´s two AM two nights later as I write this line. We went to the dr. yesterday, who sent us to x ray in the hospital. Sure enough, her collarbone is broken. She got a sling, or what it´s called in English. A band across her back, supporting her arm, easing the pressure on her shoulder. She gets painkillers four times daily (including nightly). Poor little mite. Today she told grandma on the phone “It´s gonna be okay…” Sweetest thing.

I remember last time I was involved in someone´s bone breaking. I was 14, and my little sister was 2. I put her on the back of my bicycle, and told her it was very important she kept her legs away from the wheel. Famous last words. Of course she couldn´t understand. Her little leg was broken, she cried all night and next morning her leg was plastered. I will never forget the sight of her sitting on the kitchen table, with her tiny, thick, white plaster leg.
I can´t remember feeling guilty, though. Maybe I´ve just repressed it. Our mother was always good at explaining how things could happen accidentally. Knowing her, she probably helped me un-blame myself.

One last thing in my life about broken bones, is an occasion where I didn´t break any, but statistics would say that I should have done.
We were on easter holiday, in the snowy Norwegian mountains, renting a cottage. I was 10 or 12, and had made friends with one of the local boys, who was a dj at the kids´ disco in the afternoons.
One day him and his mate showed me how they used to cross the river. Underneath the car bridge, there was a concrete beam all the way across. Connected to the bridge with iron poles, maybe 2 metres apart. The river was about 25 metres wide. “You don´t dare to do this!” They said, and started walking on the beam. Now, those words have the same effect on me as a red flag on a bull. When they said that, then I just HAD to do it. To prove them wrong. So I walked after them. Holding on to a pole, then letting go to take a step before I could grab the next pole. The water was rushing beneath my feet, five six metres below. Bit rocks sticking up, the river foaming around them. Soon we reached the other shore, and I was happy and relieved. But the boys just turned around and started walking back across the beam. I had not thought about the return.
I started walking, letting go of the pole, taking a step, grabbing the next one. Suddenly I thought “If I fall now, I will hit my head on a rock and drown.” I froze. But the only way out of there was to keep walking. Pole by pole. Let go, walk, grab on to. One more time. One more time.

I felt very happy and proud when we reached the starting point of the river crossing. It took me many years to think of it as something wreckless, risky and foolish.

I guess one can also view it as an act of the fool in a tarot deck. Walking into the unknown fully trusting everything will be okay. Fearless.

When I get the chance, I will talk to my children about pride. Explain to them that everyone needs rites de passage; to show their peers acts of courage, proving one´s beloninging with the strong ones. But that need must not get stronger than the need to be care-full, being one´s own best friend, resting in the knowledge that no matter what I do or don´t do, I know I am a brave and strong person. Some times the bravest thing to do is to stand alone, resisting a challenge.

I have never had any bone in my body broken. Not yet.
But I have been through breaking relationships.
I have felt heartbroken. And experienced a few broken inner barriers.
A lot of emotional pain. Spending time in sorrow, whilst waiting for the wounds to heal.
Once something broken mends, it makes you a bigger person. Richer somehow. Your depth deepens, your height heightens, to try to draw a picture of increased consciousness. This doesn´t necessarily mean what happened was a good thing, though.
No one ever said life would be good. Or easy, or fair.
At age 23, I was so filled with despair, I didn´t want to continue living. That inner breaking apart, almost cost me my life.
Not every wound can heal.
In some cases, you must learn to live with the loss.
So help us God.
Or whatever you choose to call the higher power. Or not to.
Every person is free to choose its own truth. What to believe and not to believe. Beautiful freedom that each of us has got.
Life is a mystery.
Of this, at least, we can agree and be sure.

I guess I should go back to bed now. So I´m “fresh” when my daughter wakes up again in a couple of hours, crying, in need of more painkillers. Feels terrible giving her medicine. But what else can I do than relieve her pain so she can sleep.
Sleep is the best medicine, so they say.
And with those final words, I say good night.

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