Category Archives: Parenting

Children´s sexuality


A cute little episode happened in our bathroom Friday morning, as my fiveyearold, my threeyearold and myself were getting ready to go to Kindergarten.
We were brushing teeth and getting our clothes on, when my threeyearold boy suddenly asked me if I would kiss his “pee-man”.

(In Danish we call pee “tiss” and a willy/dick/penis we call a “tissemand”, “pee-man”. Especially that´s the name we use when we talk with children about that bodypart. And a girl´s equivalent is called a “tissekone”, which means “pee-wife”. Aren´t they useful and sweet labels?!
In Norwegian we also say tissemann, but there is no word for the female one.
Often we just say “the pee-er”, “tissen”, for both genders´genitals).

I thought it was ever so innocent and touching that my son asked me to do this. I tickle and cuddle and kiss him everywhere else, why would that area be any different? It was clearly time for me to tell him something about it.

So I said; “I´m sure it would feel nice to have your pee-man kissed. But only one´s girlfriend or boyfriend is allowed to do that”. (In Danish/Norwegian the word is “kaereste”, that means “dearest”)

“Your peeman, and your peewife (looking at my little daughter), is for only yourself to play with and enjoy, until you get a dearest, then she can kiss your pee-man, and you can kiss and play with her pee-wife”.

“Mothers and fathers are not allowed to kiss children´s peeman and peekone”, I continued. “It belongs to you only. And grownups can also never be the boy-or girlfriend of a child. A child can only be girl-or boyfriend with an other child. Every grownup knows it is not allowed. If police comes, then they will go to jail for playing with children´s peeman or peewife.
And also, sisters and brothers can not kiss or play with eachother´s peeman and peewife. ONLY when you have a dearest”.

My fiveyearold, who was also listening, and who has heard about these things a couple of times before, added:

“Yes, it´s like you are the girlfriend of daddy. So YOU can kiss HIS peeman.”

I had to keep myself from laughing, and just kept a straight face and the same “but-of course-ish” tone of voice that she was using. To her this was just logical reasoning, no shame attached… So I said “Yes! That is absolutely correct! That´s the way it is.” And gave her a big smile.

Then we just continued our preparations, and soon we were on our way to kindergarten.

I am very proud of my way of dealing with the issue of sexuality with my kids. I have always just answered their questions openly, honestly and without letting my own… maybe hardships with shame, general inhibitions…, shine through. It is not always easy to do, but it gets easier with practice.

They are innocent, they live in these bodies, and I would so much want for them to keep feeling natural and good about their bodies and their sexual feelings. It is so deeply rooted in us, sexuality, or how to say it. It´s part of our core, it has such a great influence on our feelings of identity, self worth… it is a question of spiritual, mental and physical health. I will guard their sexuality from attacks of shame, guilt, sin, taboo and all that stuff society will be throwing at them as they get older.
I want them to keep their innocence and naturalness intact, so it will be easier for them in puberty and in adulthood.

Also, I will keep informing them. Anything they want to know about sex and sexuality, I will answer them openly and honestly. I want them to feel they can ask me anything and never feel scorned or laughed at, pushed away because the grownup gets shy. Such a sensitive issue, difficult to talk about for all of us, we get embarressed…
If I want my kids to be able to ask me their questions as they appear in puberty, that openness and trust must be between us right from the start. I can see the effect with my eldest. She is ten now. And we do talk openly, she does come to me and ask the difficult questions. That fact makes me feel very proud.

I share this anecdote with you, not for the entertainment of a little boy´s innocent question. But because I feel this is an extremely important issue.
How do we raise our children into responsible sexual adults?
How do we make them healthy, and keep their self worth intact, and help them understand the rules of sexual interactions?
Teach them the preciousness of their sexuality, that it is perfectly fine to enjoy the sensations, us adults do to, and that genitals is equipment they can use for making a baby when they are grown, to become a lucky mother or a lucky father, and have the cutest babies, just like their own lucky parents…

Let them be proud of themselves, and guide them gently so they don´t lock up their sexuality thinking it is forbidden, dirty, a confusing thing that adults obviously are against for some reason they never give.

The world needs healthy sexuality.
How we choose to parent on the issue of sex, is of utmost importance.
Balanced, self respecting young people who have a peaceful, joyful approach to sex.
It would greatly influence world peace.
No less.



Compassionless, brainless long arm of the law allmighty


(I´m sorry I can´t share the article here directly, it seems.
But the link is from “On Parenting from The Washington Post”)
(You will have to copy and paste the Url to read it).

I read this article on Facebook when I woke up early this morning, and it really shook me.
One thing is that one´s fellow citizens do Stasi like things and report you to police and child care authorities without talking to you first.
But what is even worse, is that the police doesn´t use logic in their thinking! No nuances of grey between the black and white.

This actually scares me a lot. And if I was planning to move to the Usa, this is one issue that would make me reconsider. Isn´t it plain hostility? What else can it be called? Where is the justice, the balanced evaluation, and the appropriate consequences, things being seen in proportion?!

I´m kind of hoping that someone will tell me this article is just fiction. A really great science fiction plot about a scary possible future that might become real if we don´t watch out.
But I´m afraid I believe it is real. Her way of describing the events don´t seem like fiction.
If any of you who read this, know that it´s not a true story, please enlighten me, send me a comment so I can add that to this post.

I never mean to talk badly about a country, or a cultural way or of groups or individuals.

But what happens, happens, and one is allowed to criticize facts. People are responsible for their actions. I will criticize anyone for anything they did or said.
But I will always make a distance between person and issue.
I will never call names. And I can like a person in spite of what he or she did or said. I react against deeds and phrases, not all of the person who did or said what I react against. Anyone can speak or do something before they think, and realize it was wrong.
And people are complex. A grumpy old man can be a great friend to his dog, or… An aggressive teenager may be an abused little boy within, sensitive and kind but a victim of domestic violence…

We must be careful about judging whole human beings, and categorizing them as “bad mothers” etc. The mothers in this article did something that needs looking into, as it could have been dangerous, yes. But when they explain the circumstances, then that action must be looked at related to the circumstances, surely?
And the mother, maybe she should get a fine. Or maybe she should be told that the police can see she is a caring mother who did what she thought was best, and luckily there was no harm done, but please don´t do it again…? What happened to understanding?!
If we judge eachother that harshly, our social climate will soon become a cold and hostile one, where we fear eachother and expect negativity, instead of expecting friendliness and helpful politeness…
One will refrain from offering help, out of fear it will be misunderstood and the police will be called and one could get arrested without being allowed to explain, or worse, one´s explanation will be listened to and IGNORED… !!!

This article really shook me. If that happened to me, I think I would have a breakdown. What good does these rules do for the children of these mothers? The law says it protects the children, but it doesn´t!
All these examples are about mothers who think before they act, they can explain why they left the child in the car, and they thought about temperature, and time away from the vehicle… yet no use in explaining. Because the long arm of the law is not attached to a thinking brain or a compassionate heart.
It makes me FURIOUS and SCARED.
And it makes my heart ache for those poor families, who got violated like this.

Enough said.


Swings for Grownups


This swing is pretty crazy. Who would have the guts to get on this…

Posted by Extreme on 14. februar 2015

This is great stuff! I got all sweaty in my palms from watching this swing…
I used this video on Facebook the other day, to illustrate our great idea in Kulturelt Samraad to install two swings for grownups somewhere on Fanoe! (For more info about what Kulturelt Samraad is, read the post I wrote about it yesterday, a mere two posts scroll-down from here).

The swings should be located next to eachother, so one can swing with a friend and laugh together whilst having the fun.
We were thinking they should be overlooking the ocean. But it seems it could be difficult because of the tide, as there has to be a fall-mat of some expensive sort installed underneath the swings.
Another idea is to locate the swings on a kids´ playground. I´m sure the children would love to watch the grownups laughing on big swings, don´t you think?

And no. Most probably NOT a crazy ass swing like the one in this video. Although it does look fantastic. I don´t think there are too many who would dare to have a go on that one.
I might myself, actually. But I´m far from sure. You heard that, right? I said I`M NOT SURE I WOULD.

Hahaha… stuff like that tends to look more tempting from a distance, is my experience. I used to be wreckless as a child, but. Last time I visited the amusement park Tivoli in Copenhagen, I was surprised how much I disliked hanging up there in the thin, thin air, I just actually wanted it to end!
“The only constant in life is change”, said Heraklit, the Greek philosopher.
I can but nod. I seem to have changed on this score.


I just thought I would tell you about this wonderful idea, that our K.S. member Julie Koch brought to the table. (A German lady and mother of two, who lives on Fanoe).
We need more fun in our grownup everyday lives, don´t we?
I´m tired of standing watching my kids go on swings and slides, having a great time while I stand there feeling cold, wanting to sit down somewhere comfy. If I could sit down on a swing, I would join the little ones in their excitement, and that can be nothing but healthy, a win win for everyone involved.

So folks, let´s put up swings for grownups everywhere!
Wouldn´t it be nice?!
(Love this album)!


Children and swearing


tommyogtigern, swearwords

My Viola, who just turned 5, came home one day from kindergarten and asked me if she may swear. I told her, yes, you may say anything you want, sweetheart.
She said that in kindergarten they are not allowed to swear, but she only swears for fun! I told her that because there are so many kids in kindergarten, then if everyone was swearing all the time for fun, that would be a lot, and it doesn´t sound so nice. Many adults don´t like to hear swearwords, even if they are only said for fun. So in kindergarten, it is easier for everyone if they just make a rule about it, and say it is not allowed.
But in her own home, she is allowed to say anything she wants, I told her. And if she needs to swear a lot, and people around her feel disturbed by it, then she can go to her bedroom and swear, where no one can hear it.

She was quite pleased with that answer.

I mean. What good does forbiddance do? To make subjects taboo, fill them with shame, make them impossible to talk about… and we all know how much we want to do something if it is forbidden. Why give that power to swear words?

I fully understand and support the rule in the kindergarten. I guess. It would take a long time to make all the children understand the nuances about swearing. But public space is public, and private space is private. At home we have as few rules as possible. This is the place to relax and just be as we are, swear words and all.

The rules I do have, are about violence. Noone is allowed to hurt another person. Not physically, and not emotionally by teasing. Nobody gets to call others names. Nobody is ever stupid. Everybody does stupid things from time to time, but it means they did a stupid action, it does not mean they ARE stupid.
There are no stupid people. Only stupid actions.

I tell them often that I will always love them no matter what they choose to do. Even if they kill someone or do something else very stupid, I will love them the same, with all my heart, for ever.

I tell them that I hope that when they at some point in time do something which is not so clever, like every human being tends to do while he or she is young… I hope they will come to me and tell me and allow me to help them. That they never need to feel afraid to tell me anything. I might get angry that they did something stupid, but I will love them the same and try to help them find a solution.
Also, if there is anything they want to know, they can always ask me and I will do my best to find the information for them if I don´t know the answer myself.

I want them to be socially conscious. To understand why it is that adults are against children swearing, while they swear themselves from time to time! Why the double standard?
I want them to know what swearing is for, its function. And to be aware that for such and such a reason it may be unpopular if they do it in public, but in their own home they can always let it loose and feel free if they want to swear. Swearing isn´t such a big deal. Hence, I believe it becomes less interesting to them.

Luckily, I don´t believe there is a Satan in hell, waiting to catch us swearing so he can pierce us with a barbecue stick and enjoy torturing us in the flames of sins and shames.
The image of God being vengeful, eager to condemn and punish, strict and violent… it doesn´t ring true to me. It rings like some powersick church people made it up to scare people into giving them land and money, and to do what they told them to do.

I believe we are created with free will, and we are allowed to make our own experiences in life. I think we probably receive an evaluation of our actions´ consequences when we die, but I don´t think we are judged for it, just made to realize our effect on others´ lives… I will be enormously surprised if my swearing, or allowing my children to swear at home, will cause havoc or reincarnation into snails and spiders.