Category Archives: Poems

International Day of Forgiveness part 3/3

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forgiveness is an attribute of the strong

So now it´s today. August the second. International Day of Forgiveness. Which I have talked about twice before recently. Because I think it is such a universal and central issue, to each one of us humans.

To forgive the wrongdoer, for one´s own sake. For peace of mind. Stopping the weighing down of oneself, through grinding over and over in one´s mind, what someone did wrong.
Forgiving does not mean that what was done is acceptable. Nor that we forget what was done.
Forgiving means to stop giving energy to what has happened in the past. To let go, stop thinking about it, stop feeling angry and hurt, bitter, sad about it.

I´m not sure I understand the concept of forgiveness very well. As I find it so hard to do.
But I use the formula, “fake it ´till you make it”. So I say out loudly that I forget the person, and try to believe that I really do…hmmmm…

I don´t spend a lot of energy thinking about the wrong deeds, though. When it fills my head, I write it out. Write all thoughts that come, let them through and let them out. Then, when on paper, I can read through it instead of thinking about things in loop mode, over and over. It really helps me when I get emotionally disturbed. Write it out and leave it to be on the paper instead of inside of me.

I just read the other day that this is called scriptotherapy. Never heard the word. But I have been doing it since a very tender age, and yes it does help.

Here is a poem I wrote some years ago (It´s in my book as well):

A better view from here

Momentary madness
Rushes of sadness
Both joy and pain
are to our gain.
In retrospect
all is perfect!
Let go and flow;
life loves us so…

In hindsight
I realize
that I have met
nothing but angels
giving me knowledge.
Dark or bright,
heavy or light,
always a widening insight.

Lene Kaltwasser

Here is an article I have copied from the Facebook page of UNIFY:

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. -Lewis B. Smedes

Usually when we hurt another person or ourselves it is unconscious, the act of forgiveness is always a conscious decision. The act of forgiveness allows unconscious actions to come into the light of awareness. Forgiving others does not fix their mistakes, we forgive them to release ourselves from the heavy burden of holding grudges and carrying bitterness in our heart. It accomplishes something even greater than that, it allows us each the space to let go of past mistakes while helping to cultivate a deeper sense of compassion for ourselves (and others).

Take The Forgiveness Challenge initiated by Desmond Tutu, and start by picking one person or incident and offering forgiveness. World Forgiveness Day is the first Sunday of August each year. This year it falls on August 2 and you can learn more here www.forgivenessday.org

“With each act of forgiveness, whether small or great, we move toward wholeness.” -Desmond & Mpho Tutu, The Book of Forgiving

Spiritual traditions around the world embrace the concept of forgiveness as a trait of virtue. Consider how many times your parents may have forgiven you in the time you were growing up? Making mistakes is part of our human journey, forgiveness allows the growing process to continue lovingly. It also alleviates guilt when we forgive ourself or others which allows us to open up and feel emotionally free of our past.

Ho’oponopono is an ancient Hawaiian forgiveness practice. Similar forgiveness practices were performed on islands throughout the South Pacific, including Samoa, Tahiti and New Zealand. The ceremony allows for everyone’s feelings to be acknowledged and ends with a feast that allows for a releasing of the past. The prayer is very simple, it consists of saying these words, “I’m sorry, I love you, please forgive me, I thank you.” How much could we heal just by taking the time to speak these words to our loved ones?

Unify.org is well known for their popular Facebook Page with inspiring quotes and articles, but their strength is in organizing globally synchronized initiatives. Globally synchronized meditations focusing on different themes throughout the year as well as community actions are central to Unify’s mission. For International Forgiveness Day, Unify is inviting a global wave of forgiveness actions at 2pm in your timezone.

Post your stories of forgiveness here. You can also post to Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook using the hashtag #forgive.

“Forgiveness is an inherent virtue of being human, a prerequisite for a healthy human society and a central component to every religion. To forgive is to liberate ones self from the bondage of blame and recrimination. When we forgive, the trauma heals. Forgiveness transmutes poison into medicine. We lament the wars and conflicts across the globe yet what about the battles in our own lives? The battles inside each of us?” -Jonathan Human

forgiveness martin luther king

The world is so divided right now. If each person took the initiative to clear old wounds through forgiveness, perhaps it would open larger doors of healing? I was deeply inspire to spend some time reading other peoples forgiveness stories (submitted anonymously at www.unify.org/forgive). I think you will be too! Hopefully you will be inspired to share your own forgiveness story and tell your friends. Join us this coming Sunday, August 2 for International Forgiveness Day at 2pm in your timezone as we make a wave of healing around the world.”

——————–
the end
——————–

unify aug 2.

It´s probably past 2 pm many places on our planet now… But.
It is lovely to be part of a wave, a global happening like this.
I will try to take more formal and correct part of the event next year.
And I did submit a story on their website, so. I´m in a process of moving on, less burdened by
others´ misdeeds. One thing is when people hurt you unintentionally. That´s pretty easy to forgive. It´s when they manipulate and lie to try to harm you, that I find it hard to let go.

mark twain forgiveness

We owe such a lot to a handful peace making men.

Martin Luther King
Dalai Lama
Desmond Tutu
Mahatma Gandhi
Nelson Mandela

(Sorry about the ones I did not mention. Many more, I´m sure. Also women of course. These five just sprang to mind this moment).

forgiveness gandhi

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Inspiring Female Rockstars

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Last night, when I finished blogging, I switched on the tv and that very instant a film started, called The Runaways, a film about the band Joan Jett had before she went solo. Great film.
I remember Joan Jett´s number one hit, the first song she made after going solo.
I was 10 years old and was on a school trip, and our whole class stood in one big circle in a room there and heard Joan Jett´s superhit over and over again, while we sang along and made the first attempts of “discodancing”. Her song is a raw one, so energetic, brilliant stuff. This one:

(Strange they haven´t adjusted so that visuals and sound is in sync, but there you go…)

Two years later, in 6.grade, age 12, we did a performance for our parents before Summerholiday.
Cindy Lauper, Girls just wanna have fun.
You might argue she is more a popstar than a rockstar. But I think of rockstar as someone who rocks, is independent and dares to stand out. Cindy rocks. In my mind there is no doubt about that. 🙂
Let me share with you not the one we danced to, but my favourite Lauper tune:

“Don´t be afraid to let them show, you true colours, true colours are beautiful like a rainbow…”

Same time periode as Cindy, an other special lady appealed to my sense of free female singers.
Madonna of course. With her provocative look, contrasted with her crucifix and her artist name…And of course her very catchy songs. Papa don´t preach, Like a virgin, La isla bonita, later on, the lyrics of her song Frozen…
The one that spoke to me the loudest, is Like a Prayer. The video where she finds a black Jesus statue behind bars and brings him to life… the burning crosses after he is falsely accused of murder there, and the scene with the gospel quoir… I love it. Strong symbolism all the way through.

Some years later, I had a crush on this lady´s album, where especially this song, I simply listened to it over and over and over, lifting the pickup arm on my record player to hear it again, this was long before the handy Repeat-button of cd players…:

Hehehe…. “and your protection is minimal, so minimal… I´m gonna….”
A bit of a stalker´s song that one…
I was never dangerous like that. I was a shy teenager, fell in love often, and the chosen one never knew a thing about it. Safest that way. 🙂
But I do remember one boy, who was in my high school, and I knew his full timetable, so I would always walk past his classroom where he was standing, on the way to my own classroom… just for the rush of seeing his long dark hair… But yeah. He never noticed, I don´t think.

A handful years later again, I listened a LOT to this powerful woman. What a voice, and passion.

“I´m gonna show you baby, that a woman can be tough…”

We have Joni Mitchell, Tina turner, Dolly Parton… all rocking / strong women whose work I respect a lot, yet it didn´t stay with me or touch me as deeply as other music did…

But Nina. Yeah. She… I´m shaking my head with a smile on my face. Lost for words to describe her.

My first child was born to this song, it was in the room when she took her first breath of air.
Look at the pictures of Nina Simone in this “video”. Such a character. Wish I could meet her.

There´s Annie Lennox from Eurithmics, great energetic tunes and good lyrics as well…
There´s all those soul and r&b singers I don´t relate to that much…

Oh and this one song by Natasha Beddingfield.
I had a severe crush on it for months. Still dig those lyrics:

“I´m having trouble saying what I mean, with dead poets and a drum machine…” 🙂

Oh, I simply HAVE to include one more by her. She talks so well about writing. “Today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten…” Again gospel…

Reminds me a bit about Walking on sunshine, with Katarina and the waves, excellent song…

Must not forget Tracey Chapman. One of my favourites.
Fast car, baby can I hold you, talkin bout a revolution…
I love this one maybe most of all, shame I can´t find a version of it that includes imagery but.
I guess it can be a nice thing to just close one´s eyes and listen, as well.
The way she uses her voice here… she rocks. 🙂

Then of course there is also Suzanne Vega. Her legendary song Luka. She has many really good ones.

Okay. I could have gone into Marianne Faithful now.
With her songs Marathon kiss. File me under fun from the past…
So many fascinating, brilliant female singer songwriters out there.

But this post is quickly becoming a long one now, and I also need to go to sleep soon.

So. This lady. Has touched me maybe deeper than anyone else with her music and her courage.
Here is a whole concert with her. I have it on dvd. Mtv Unplugged.
Shame they haven´t published it including the visual side.
But again. Her lyrics, and her words between the songs. So worth listening to.
Totally truely amazingly talented stuff. Inspired stuff. Coming through her, inspiring the listening.
She rocks.

OH.
I did find a piece where we get to see her and not just hear her voice. Enjoy this! 🙂
And get hold of that dvd. That must be today´s hottest tip from me.

That´s all, folks!
Have a sweet dreamy sleep when you get that far!
I´m gonna go to bed and unplug. It´s freedom time now. 🙂

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A brave poet; Arnulf Øverland

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Arnulf Øverland, the Norwegian poet. His maybe most powerful poem. “You must not sleep!”
In this video, he reads out the poem himself.
His voice and the soulfulness in it…….. it gives me goose bumps.
Together with the words, he makes me cry. Time and time again.
Such clarity of thought. Communicated with such depth of feeling.
He has my total respect and admiration.

This video has English sub titles.
The visual side of it is…. okay, but lacking in my view. Too monotonous. A bit lazy.

Here is an other version of the visual side. Which has some good ideas and some ideas I don´t get.
The music set to it is emotionally fitting in my view. And we get the poem in writing. Which I always appreciate in videos of things where the words carry important meaning.

Here is an English translation of the poem.
Written by Lars-Toralf Storstrand

Dare not to sleep!

I was awakened one morning, by the quaintest of dreams
‘twas like a voice, spoken to me
It sounded afar – like an underground stream,
I rose and said: Why do you call me?

Dare not to slumber! Dare not to sleep!
Dare not believe, it was merely a dream!
Yore I was judged.
The gallows were built in the court this evening,
They’ll come for me — 5’ in the morning

This dungeon is teeming,
And barracks stand dungeon by dungeon
we lie here, awaiting, in cold cells of stone,
We lie here, we rot, in these murky holes.

We know not ourselves, what does lie ahead
Who will be the next one they’ll reach for.
We moan and we shriek: But do you take heed?
Is there none among you who’ll hearken?

No one can see us,
None know what befalls us.
Yet more:
None will believe – what the day will bring us!

And then You defy: This dare not be true!
That men can be utterly evil.
There has to be some one with merits pure
Oh, brother, you still have a great deal to learn

They said: You will give your life, if commanded
We’ve given it now, for naught it was handed
The world has forgotten, we’ve all been deceived
Dare not to sleep in this hour – this eve.

You oughtn’t go to your business hence,
Or think: What’s your loss – or what is your gain?
You oughtn’t attribute your fields and your kine,
Nor say you’ve enough – with all that is thine.

You oughn’t abide, sitting calm in your home
Saying: Dismal it is, poor they are, and alone
You cannot permit it! You dare not, at all.
Accepting that outrage on all else may fall!
I cry with the final gasps of my breath:
You dare not repose, nor stand and forget

Pardon them not – they know what they do!
They breathe on hate-glows, and evil pursue,
They fancy to slay, they revel with cries,
Their desire is to gloat, when our world is at fire!
In blood they are yearning to drown one and all!
Don’t you believe it? You’ve heard the call!

You know how infants will soldiers remain,
While dashing through streets, fields, chanting ‘bout pain
Aroused by their mothers‘ assurance of glory
They’ll shelter their land – and they’ll never worry

You know the fatality of the lies,
that glory and faith and honor abides
You discern the dauntless dreams of a child,
A saber, a banner, he’ll flaunt them so wild,

And then they’ll leave home for a rainfall of steel,
‘Till last they hang ragged on barbed wire will,
Decaying for Hitler’s Aryan call,
That is what a man’s for – after all…

I couldn’t imagine – too late now it is
My sentence is just: The verdict’s no miss
I believed in prosperity, dreamt about peace
In labor and fellowship; love’s fragrant kiss
Yet those who don’t die on the battlefield,
Their heads for the axeman, will certainly yield

I cry in the gloom – if only you’d knew
There is but one thing – befitting to do
Defend yourself, while your hands are still yearning,
Protect your offspring – Europe is burning.

***

I shook from the chill. To dress, up I rose
Without stars were shining, so far, yet so close
‘twere simply a brilliant ray in the east,
Admonishing warning from the dream that just ceased

The day that soared up from earths furthermost strand
Augmenting with blood — and with firebrand
It grew with terror – like a breath that was lost
It seemed like the starlight – was slain by the frost.

I weighed: Something is imminent – and it’s dire
Our era is over — Europe’s on fire!

Arnulf Øverland, «Den Røde Front», Tiden Norsk Forlag 1937.

Translated by Lars-Toralf Storstrand.

I finish this post with one last videoclip, of the man himself, Arnulf Øverland.
Being interviewed by a Danish journalist.
No English sub titles here.
But it gives you an impression of this brave poet.
Remember he published his poem first time in 1936, while Hitler´s fascism was on the rise.

In the interview he talks about how, when he was young, poetry was all about “feeling the spring, being one with the nature”, the subject matter was flowers and love, but he felt at that time that poetry should be about things people had a need, a craving, to hear about.

He thought it was a poets task to bring the public and litterature closer to eachother, to connect with the reader, and touch on important social issues, such as f.ex. the poverty which was a big part of Norwegian´s lives at that time.

He also talks about the tendency of modernist poets to drop rhymes and rhythm, and says it can have its use, but rhythm has such a strong effect, that it´s strange to him they choose to drop it to the extent they do.

And he thinks that once the meaning of a poem becomes cloudy and the reader has to guess what the writer has meant, and even the writer may not himself have a clear vision of the meaning in his words… then he cries off, he says.

But he says he is an old man now, one becomes milder with age, soon he will go to heaven, so he is practicing being good, and does therefore not want to critisize the young people but allow them to continue their own path until they themselves discover it can be a good thing to write so that the reader can understand what they mean.
And there are already signs, he says, that some of the young ones are trying to work with rhyme and rhythm again, with good outcome…

One of the greatest Norwegian poets. Arnulf Øverland.

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Body Image

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not get out alive

Until I got pregnant first time age 32, I had a perfect body (in my own view at least). Slim, athletic and strong, a size s/m, which I could slip into a pair of Levi´s and a funky t-shirt, and that was that, ready to roar and to score. 🙂

I never wore make-up or high heels. As I think those shoes are uncomfortable and unhealthy and unpractical. And lipsticks smells weird, and mascara smudges and I don´t feel I have all that time to spend in front of a mirror. (I wear mascara and an eyeliner sometimes when I go to a party, that´s as far as it goes).

Well. Now that I have born three children, my body has changed. A lot and for good. I suspect.
No more slim waistline. And a few kiloes heavier than before.
Just after I stopped breast feeding, I have all three times gone down to the size I was at age 25.
But sadly, the weight has changed back up again a few months later.

I do eat healthy. Very little fat and sugar. Lean meats, chicken, fish, fruit and vegetables mostly.
I´m cutting down on the wheat. Dark bread in smaller amounts. If pasta and rice, then darker looking versions. Not so much potatoes either.
But.
Not too sure it will help loads.
And you know what?
I can´t be bothered!

I refuse to go jogging. I HATE that activity.
I would love to dance more. But don´t have a lot of time for it.
(And if it happens at night on a dance floor, I will be quenching that thirst with drinks full of calories oh yes I will)!
I do those…what are they called in English… kegel exercises… I recognize they are vital.
I would do badminton if I could find a friend and a time that fits my young children schedule.

Anyways.

freedom is being yourself

I do not allow anyone to tell me what I´m supposed to look like to be accepted.
Men just look like themselves and no one thinks about it.
It is not my duty to look pretty!

a real woman

As for what about the feeling of being sexually attractive?
Well, in my (not so humble) opinion, being sexually attractive does not have that much to do with the way your body looks. It´s got more to do with the vibe you send out, your self confidence, your radiating that you feel at home inside youself, you look at people with a spark in your eyes, showing you have plenty of energy and a sense of humour, and you can see straight through anyone, into the child within that each of us truely remains at core… That´s attractive to me. That´s sexy.

Yesterday I went to the mainland to see my dentist, and the weather was all wet and windy, more autumn than June look-alike… After the dentist I strolled the walking street, grateful to be out and about all alone, not having to deal with kids´ requests all the time… I decided to go into my favourite café, Queen Louise´s, at Esbjerg´s town square, and when I came in, the perfect corner table by the window was standing there waiting for me!

This was the view I had, from my Chesterfield sofa:

20150602_145848

So I ordered a pint of a brilliant lager (“Fynsk forår”; “Fyn-ian (Danish County) Spring”)…
And as I usually do, I wrote a few texts.
It is the most relaxing thing to me. Pen and paper, alone at a café table, those soothing noises of people chatting in the background, some 80s pophits on low volume…the sips of beer..adore it.

Here is one of the pieces I wrote, which is why I write about this issue Body Image today:

Body Image

Maybe you think my ass is too wide
or my face a bit wrinkly or my tummy too big.
But “sexy” is a quality I carry in my stride,
in my glance when it lingers unafraid where I want.
My body´s my ship, it´s no longer a new one.
But this captain has eyes that have conquered and won.
My hips love to dance and my lips they have humour.
Sexy becomes me, I will never be done.

woman her own best friend

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Soenderho Harbour Poems

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In 2011, I took part in the making of an anthology. 5 writers and an illustrator. Decided to make a small booklet and print it, and give it to the ngo “Soenderho harbour”, to sell at their opening of an exhibition of Soenderho´s history. This as part of their process to get the straight escavated, remove sand so that ships again can sail into the harbour of the little village in the wadden sea there…like ships used to do…

Soenderho is the village at the south tip end of Fanoe. 2-3 Summers ago it was voted on the web to be Denmark´s most beautiful village (Danmarks smukkeste landsby, in Danish).
it is a quaint little place with 300 citizens, and it has a very thriving folk scene, where they play old, locally created songs on their fiddles, and dance the local dance “soenderhoning” to the music, wearing old costumes as they were worn a few hundred years ago.
Not all the time. But quite often they get together and do this, celebrating their traditions, passing the skills on to the younger generations.
There is an event every Summer called “The Soenderho Day”, where they make a parade with the costumes, songs and dancing… many tourists come to see it. A lovely event.

Here and now I just want to share with you the two poems I delivered for the anthology.
As they fit so well following the blogpost I just published minutes ago, called At the old cemetary.

Here are the poems.

1.

A Sailor´s Sentiment

Endless ocean
your salty waves
washing my face

Longing to be
back on shore
leaning lovingly
just once more

Endless ocean
you are calling me, though,
calling my soul to fill up yet again
with your freshness

The sound of your continuous movement
the smell of ship railing and sea breeze

A sailor´s heart is lined with salty water
and a yearning for the great wide open field
of foaming blues

Surrounded by the far away horizons

2.

Faith, Hope and Love

On every side of my little isle
water washes the edge of the land
there´s no escaping this little isle
no way but by boat

I sit on a rock in the sand on the beach
and slowly dismantle an old yellow straw
you have been gone such a long time now
my love, whome I achingly miss

I cannot forget how you held me close
your eyes so sad when you asked me to wait
I´m faithful and hoping and loving you so
though they think that your ship has gone down

My straw is stripped naked, its husk torn asunder
it mirrors the feeling that lives in my chest
I´m stuck in the Hope of your happy return
while Fear and Despair eat away at my breath

How can I laugh and live and be young
when all my inside is crying for you?
How can I mourn and move on and be free
when your ship might still be asail?

I rise from my rock and start the walk home
home to my hut where you visited me
I take the straw with me and stick it in my roof
another day closer to you

Maybe you will come walking ashore
or maybe it´s true you are buried in the waves
I know that I love you with all that is me
I know that I cannot let go

One day we will meet again, this I believe
one day on this side or the other
Today I am one more day closer to you
in life or in death I am yours

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Yeah…
Myself I grew up in a town on the Norwegian west coast, called Haugesund, 30.000 citizens big.
There is a saying that Haugesund was built on herring bones, as the amount of herring in the straights outside of Haugesund is the reason the town came to be. Everybody worked in the herring business, and when the smell of fish oil filled the air, the grownups said it was the smell of money…

Both my grand dads were chefs at sea.
My father saw his father for the first time when he was 3 years old.

The women left behind for years and years on end, got together in their group they called “The mermaid club”, and helped eachother out as best they could, all being “single mothers”…

So my background is not very different from the background of the people here on Fanoe.

My mother´s father ran away from home age 15, he wanted to be a sailor and shoot lions. His first trip ended in Norway where he met my grandma!
Then he was to sail on Norwegian ship, but this was just after the war and it was not easy being a German boy on a Norwegian ship. The chef on board took him under his wing and told the crew to leave the kid alone, he was just a teenager and had nothing to do with the war.

The chef who protected him, was my father´s father! I have a picture of the two of them on a ship heading for Cuba in about 1950. (I will paste it here once I find out where it is).
A black and white photo of my two sailor grand dads, just them two, leaning on the ship´s railing together… my dad was 5 at that point. My mother was to be born four years later.
Imagine how they must have felt the day they found out their kids were boyfriend and girlfriend!

🙂

I finish with a picture of Soenderho Harbour (Sønderho Havn).
The ngo is still working on the removal of sand.
They have recently received permission to start a first dig-out.

sønderho havn

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Sound healing course no. 9 (out of 12)

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same mission as u

Myself, I´m a kind of lone wolf, or wolverine… moving solo, mixing into many different set groups and cliques, yet not belonging to any of them, never felt the probably comfortable inclusion of identifying with a set group… Which suits me fine, it´s who I am. I prefer to move freely, swiftly, going with my feelings rather than with obligation.

Well, now I am part of this education group. In vocal sound therapy under the eminent leadership of Githa Ben-David. We are about 30 people. All strong personalities, distinct individuals. No one is asked to conform, and surely none of us would be willing nor able if we were asked to, I suspect, hehehe…
But we share these intense experiences. As we are taught how to help people free themselves from trauma, using sound. through the human voice. And we are shown the methods using ourselves. So most of us have been in the middle of the circle on a massage table of chair, being led through the release of old stuck memories, expressed in sound. Blockages in our systems, hindering energy flow. Removed.

It is so interesting, fascinating and wonderful to see, and to experience. Yet very intense as well.
Unique bonds develope. Between all of us, collectively. We are all in this together. We all stand there vulnerable and shaky, in turn, and feel the loving quiet support from all the others. A circle.
I don´t know what else to call it.

It is….I feel so grateful to be part of it. To experience this unity. This sheltered warmth…
I find it hard to believe in, some times. But every time when I meet the group again, the feeling is there. Acceptance. Belonging. Support and understanding. We are in this together.

I dread when the course if over. December. It´s been two years.
We are planning to meet up again next April/May, for a weekend, to share our experiences as fresh vocal sound therapists. I hope we can make that meeting a reality.

Once the education is finished…I lose that group belonging. It is going to feel… empty… I have lived without it all my life until now, but now knowing what a group belonging feels like, it will feel empty in a way I don´t know yet.

Yes, I will keep in touch with the ones I feel closest to. And hopefully we can all meet again once or twice, maybe more. But it will not continue like it is now. I´m going to have to let go.
I´m not always so good at letting go. I attach and hold on. I´m good at that. Grow intimacy. Share personal views and emotions. To let go of something I appreciate and value, though… A challenge and a half, that. Not something I choose freely.

But now I´m all into the future, worrying. No good that. The future is an illusion, it only exists in my mind. Better be present in the presence.

Wrote a short piece about that after the lunch break at our course last Saturday. I told the two fellow students I sat with, that I was getting impatient with the process of receiving a source of income. It is actually not easy to remain calm and feel certain that things (read: Money!) will come to me.

One of my fellow students replied that there was no use in worrying, and she asked me, what is actually the worst that can happen?
She advised me to choose to be in the present tense only, so that I could see the signs and receive the inputs from the universe clearly, not be fogged by worries of the future…

After lunch, I ran to my notebook and scribbled down these lines, I think they are quite charming… 🙂

The Unknown

moving into and through
moment by moment
here and here
every
now and now
then what will be
IS

What is the worst that can happen?

Immortal Soul
Non damagable Spirit
Have No Fear
Just Be Here
All
is One with You
Rejoice

Through and through and through
more and more and more All You

This song just appeared in my head, so. Let´s go along with that. It´s a kind of meditation song. Lyrics repeated. Important lines of truth. Which have touched me deeply. Connected me to old memories of hurtful situations in my younger years. Allowed release of tears. Cleansing.

And while that one seemed pretty mushy-hearted, I just fell in love with this next video made to another song by Shaina Noll…! All these photos of happy children from around the planet… irresistable. They just make me feel happy. Isn´t it strange how impressionable we are, us humans…? (Or at least I am)!

I do feel a bit mushy-hearted today, you see. More than usual.
As I had a client on my massage table today, who introduced herself by saying:
“I am dying. I know you can not fix me. Also I am ready to leave this lifetime. But if I could just get some soothing for my lungs, so I can breathe a bit better… I saw a video of Githa doing sound therapy, I contacted her and she sent me to you… will you please try to help me?”

That´s when everything is put into perspective. No space for jokes or critical discussions. Just an open enquiry. Can we just try and see if this hopefully can have an effect?

I felt so humble. Moved.

Tones came through. And the overtones were softer, somehow dimmer… intuitively I did less of the high tones and spent more time giving deep ones… I spent a lot of time sending rather deep, mellow tones onto her lungs… She fell asleep a couple of times during that hour, which is a good sign.

Afterwards we both felt it had been a good session. She will hopefully notice an effect in the coming days. We talked about how the resonnance sounded different, weaker or kind of dimmer, than usual, and agreed that maybe it has to do with her life energy being low…her departing… She scheduled another appointment in about two weeks time, and casually said that if she was dead, her husband would give me a call and let me know she would not be coming…

I asked her if she has heard about Elizabeth Kübler-Ross (See my post dealing with death). She had. She knew as much as myself. She had her convictions and she was resolved. She would like to stay, but with the condition her body was in, she just felt like sleeping.

She touched my heart. I hope I see her again. On this side, I mean.

Special day today for me. So grateful to have met her in this way.

garden path

I end this post with this beautiful image. The path.

<3

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Litteratur Salon no.15

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“….Just breath.
Birth ´till death.
Nothing serious.”

Sorry the filmclip ends so abruptly.
I got a friend to film it. Wanted the clip to cover the entire 20 minutes in one piece, but there were technical problems. Such is life. It is primarily an analogue experience after all. At least this snippet gives you an impression.

Of my reciting poems from my book last Wednesday night. In Gallery Henneberghus in Esbjerg. (As I talked about in my last post, that I was going to).
It was a great event. There were four men reading out their stuff too. Two read out a poem each, one read from a story about a man who is travelling in China, and the last one had translated a book of stories written by Spanish anarchists 1890-1915. They were all interesting people with interesting things to say, a very pleasant athmosphere indeed, in the small gallery, filled up, with 30 people in the audience.

In between the read-outs (Is that what it´s called? Like hand-outs, hahaha… no. Recitals, isn´t it). In between the recitals, a young student from the Music academy played for us on his instrumentarium; a self built installation consisting of a sampler, laptop, a shaman´s drum which he played with a foot pedal, and two cymbals plus a mike into which he sang these slow, melodic short sentences…. very poetic. He had also made a piece using war sirens, mixed with noises that to me clearly visualized tanks and bombs, suffering, anxiety, despair, grief…. quite impressive.

We got 20 minutes each, to recite. I had made Danish translations to 14 of the texts in my book of poems and reflections, written in English. (If you want my book, go to the blog´s page “Buy my book?”).

Here´s one I recited:

What I want

I´m a sucker for love
seeking the ultimate mellow fellow
I´m well tuned in to what´s above
yet my soundtrack´s ruled by cello

I don´t want no macho mouse
I don´t want no pessimist
He´s gotta be good to share my house
He´s gotta have the strength of the optimist!

I´m a lover of good times
laughter, dancing, food and drink
enjoying to live never was no crime
oneness in what I do say and think

I don´t want no meek admirer
I don´t want no manipulator
He´s gotta have a heart on fire
He´s gotta be a spontaneous structurator!

Here is the same poem, in video version. 🙂
(Landscape shots from Fanoe where I live, this quaint little lump of beautiful nature.
Notice there is a heart of blue sky between the clouds where I say “heart on fire”. And the straws visualize spontaneous structuring… You can watch the video installation in full in the post “Linking”).

But it is; “What I want”.

It felt really good to stand there and share my writings. I received positive feedback, both on the content, and on the sound of my translations. Lovely to meet other people who love to write. And people who love litterature and have come because they want to listen, take in, enjoy being read to.
Always a special athmosphere there in Tina´s Henneberghus Gallery. I have written about it elsewhere too, (f.ex. in “a piece of christmas peace”), I go there the first Wednesday every month, where she hosts her litterature salon. So heart warming and inspiring. A word oasis, she calls it. It truely is a place to relax and enjoy refreshing impressions.

They liked my poem about who the audience is, as well. (Which I shared with you in the post Being a poet, straight underneath this post). I was a bit curious whether they would like that one. Especially one of the other poets liked it a lot, he actually shouted out loud: “Hear! Hear!” (Only in Danish, where it has just one cyllable; “Hørt!”) That shout made me feel really good actually. I think it is a very telling piece, and especially when read out to an audience, but normally you don´t really get to know what they think, so easily… Direct, instant feedback. Should be a lot more of that stuff around.

Of course we have poetry slam, the genre. Where people go on stage and recite, and the audience “votes” by amount of applause, and it´s a competition where after the last round there is a winner. GREAT FUN.
If I didn´t have kids, I think I would be active on that scene. I have been to a few events. Danish championships in Copenhagen as well. Love it.

Anyways. Gotta go now. Dinnertime. Don´t wanna be late for that. Nope. That´s not what I want. 🙂

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Being a Poet

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Tonight I will read out some texts from my book that I self published in 2011. It´s in English, poems and…reflections…? Not sure if the Norwegian word translates directly. But we use the word “refleksjon” about thinking about something, pondering and reasoning, thinking back, analyzing… I think reflection is a great metaphor for the description of my texts´ form .
If the word doesn´t quite fit in English, then it should, from this moment onwards! 🙂
The reflections in my book are a lot like the ones I write here on the blog.
(In my post “Radio years” I compared the form to radio talks, or “kaaseri” in Norwegian)…

Anyways.
I will read from my book, and then I have made Danish translations to 15 of the in all 78 text peices. So I will read a text in English, and then the Danish translation.

The process of translating the texts has been quite eye opening to me. To reshape a text and keep its form, content and rhtythm… almost impossible. Some easier than others. But languages are musical melodies as well as meaning. What sounds mellow and flowing in English, can sound abrupt and stiff in Danish.
To me this fact just makes it more interesting to read out the translated pieces. Also, in new shape, the meaning behind the words springs to life, becomes visible in a new, fresh way. Lovely feeling to me, I have worked these pieces through and through back then, when I made the book…

I have only read out loud my texts twice before.
First time was in a friend´s home, where there were a quite large group of Soka Gakkai students from Japan visiting. They were the sweetest, warmest audience one can imagine. So that luckily didn´t scare me off. (I used to have stagefright. I wrote about how I got rid of it in the post “a blogger and her blog”).

Then, the second time I read out loud in front of people, was last spring. In this little gallery in the town Esbjerg, which lies just across the water from my home island, a mere 12 minute ferry ride away.
Once a month there is a “Litterature salon” there, where the gallery owner invites people to come and read their creations. There´s also always music students there, sharing their things in between the reads. There´s only room for 30 people, and one has to book a chair in advance. It´s free to get in, and one can buy coffee. It´s a wonderful place with a very charming hostess who herself writes and paints.
It´s at this Henneberghus Gallery I read out again today, for the second time.
I will tell you all about how it went, when I know. 🙂

So today I am an author. Or a writer? A poet? The word “poet” actually means “creating”. So that word fits me well, I love being in the process of creating. Whether it is a song, a poem, a reflection, a film… Not many use that word these days. At least not in Scandinavia. It´s a shame.

I feel it is difficult to call myself an author. I have loved to write since I was 4 years old. I bought myself a desk at the tender age of 6, and my biggest wish for christmas was a typewriter. Which I got.
My texts have been published in magazines and papers every time I´ve gotten round to sending something in.
I have never sent a book script to a publisher´s. Not because I´m afraid they won´t want it. I´d just rather publish it myself, the way I see it should be, undisturbed by critics…
Not that I can´t deal with constructive criticism. I can. But. Somehow I feel the poems are sacred.
Many times I feel they come through me, that I did not invent them, just allowed them passage through my pen. Some times when I write, the words come out very fast so I dot them down in a rush, and only afterwards when I read through it, do I discover rhythms and rhymes… and old fashioned words I don´t normally use… It´s not automatic writing. But it is, I´m convinced, inspired by Spirit. Maybe channeled from time to time. I don´t know enough about these categories to tell for sure.
But many other artists and writers through time have been saying they don´t feel ownership to their creations, they feel they are receivers of messages from the collective consciousness or Spirit or… Yeah. Other dimensions. What to call it.

I wrote a song about the difficulty of identifying with labels. And filmed out the car window in Norway, and connected those images to the words in the song… It is me singing too. (And editing).

As a line in the song says:
“I´m a writer when I write, a reader when I read, a doer and a dreamer and above all I´m just me.”

There are two videopoems in this piece, there are 15 in all so I chose to upload some of them in groups.
The second, short film here is a haiku. (Formula 5 cyllables, 7 cyllables, 5 cyllables).
I filmed the route from my father´s hospits (hospital for dying patients), back to my parents´ home. After the last time I saw him. He died there ten days later. (26.of October 2010).

The haiku isn´t a sad one, though. It was not written at that time. yet it fits.
It REALLY fascinates me how our minds do what we in media science learnt to call “mindgapping”. Which means that the mind searches for meaning, and inserts connections where there may not be any intended.
So that when a poem gets connected to imagery, it widens its meaning, more can be read into it…
(some times imagery can also limit a poem´s meaning. But in my videopoems I feel meaning is added).

Well. Here you are, a song about the bizarrness of work title labels, and a haiku:

Tonight I am a poet. Who reads out her scribblings to an audience.
I remember last spring, it was so enjoyable to stand there and be listened to. Which surprised me a bit, because I used to be very opposed to getting up on a stage. The gallery also has no stage, but still. One stands before a group and is the centre of attention, and entertains, performs, expresses.

Let me share with you a poem about “who the audience is”. I´m reading this one out tonight:

About Who the Audience Is

My own True Self.
My Higher Self.
I am my witness.
Possibly also the
collective consciousness.

What is important is that no one judges
as
I don´t perform, I express;
presentation of content
coming through me, not made by me,
makes more meaning to me, not less.

I don´t believe in honour and shame
i don´t believe in life as a comparison game
I don´t believe in guilt or judgment either
I don´t believe in God / Satan-divide, neither
the “good” nor the “bad”
gives me value from the outer.
My soul validates me
there´s no need for a shouter.

An audience of listening
wordlessly resting;
the vast yet voidless
silence of within.

🙂

Tonight I am a poet reading out my creations.
It just…. sounds so……
It´s like a jacket with far too long sleeves and at the same time it´s too narrow across the back….

Labels.
Identity.
“What will you become when you grow up?”
Such a fricking annoying question, that, isn´t it?

Become?? More of myself, of course. What else can I become. A tree? Someone else?
Grow up? When IS that point in time? I´m growing ALL the time, until I die.
And I´m also the same at core as I was age 12.
Senseless babblings.

“So be an artist,” they say. “Just call yourself an artist.” But I never went to art school. I respect professions. I don´t see myself as an artist.

A poet. That´s the closest I get. As it only means to be in the creative process, creating.
Yes, that´s true. I do do that. I be that, then.

Just being. All this thinking. Thinking and labelling can never grasp the width and depth of being alive.
Simple as that.

I do sound therapy as well. Exams in December. I really enjoy singing those long tones on people, as they lay relaxed and drift off supported or guided by their body´s reception of the sound…
I really enjoy the sound giving. But to call myself a therapist….. is hard.
Maybe it will get easier once my exams are passed and I have more experience with clients.

I am a lot of things.
Or I am no
thing, I just do different activities.

A dreamer when I dream, a dancer when I dance, I´m a mother and a lover and a watcher of tv…
(From my song, if you didn´t watch the video above).

Wish me luck!
I´m sure it´s going to be a nice experience tonight.
What ever it is called.

🙂

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Feather Weight

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One of my little mantra-songs, as I like to call them. I made this one whilst walking in the rain with my firstborn in her pram, on my way to The Media-workshop in Bergen (MiB, like Men in Black for those who know that ace movie)… where I was a board member for 8 years. (1999-2007).

Songs come to me when I walk, or when I shower, mostly. Then I have to sing it over and over and over and over, to remember it until I get to a pen and paper! 🙂
These days I just sing it into my phone. Which doesn´t actually work, as they just sit there ready to be developed but I forget they are there…until my phone breaks down and they are lost… or stuck in an old mac that breaks down…

I am an analogue person more than a digitality-lover. No doubt about that. I prefer a pen to a keyboard, and notebooks to computer files.
I love the means of production too, though, how dv camera and the free editing programme Adobe Premiere suddenly made it possible for anyone to go out and make anything, without investing hundreds of thousands of kroner into a film camera, pc and the rolls of film themselves…

In MiB we held workshops in different aspects of film making. And we had cameras, microphones, lighting and editing computers that all members could borrow for free. All financially supported by Bergen council.
We coursed school classes, we made short films, we invited professionals from the film business of Bergen to come and share their insights with us. We had movie nights where we also cooked a meal, we learnt to write scripts, and make storyboards, we were asked to be extras and gaffers in the local professional film projects… I learnt a lot those years. And we made some legendary parties as well. 🙂

But let me tell you all about MiB some other time.

I just felt to share with you this short videopoem.
Which is from my video poetry installation called Linking.
(Which you can find in total under that name).
It consists of 15 pieces; 10 poems and 5 songs, all in all 38 minutes long.

Note, if you go for watching the whole thing, that I have consciously chosen a rather non modern, slow rhythm of editing. Note also, that the first line in the opening poem says:
“Patience…precious mode of being…”

🙂

(I shared that poem also in another post actually, titled, as the video´s opening poem; “Let it Come”).

I´m not into making excuses.
But I have had some reactions that tell me people don´t get that the rhythm is a conscious editing choice. It is a pace for dwelling, for sinking into oneself, sit back and breathe and listen to the words, accompanied by visuals that deepen or contrast the meaning of the poems/songs.
So yeah. I just want to say that. Not into being mis interpreted. Then again, who is. ? 🙂

I´m gonna cook a meal now, and sit out in the sunshiny garden and eat it afterwards. With my man and my tenyearold, my fiveyearold and my threeyearold.
Lucky mama me.
Hope you too are having a nice Sunday.
Take care out there!

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Championships and Powerlessness

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lottery or go for run same odds

I have now heard from two sources lately (One Norwegian and one Danish), that they think my posts are a bit long. Maybe they are right, or maybe it´s because I write in English. I don´t know. But I do try to vary the length of my posts, so they aren´t always long. The short ones are just maybe in a huge minority so far. 🙂

So today I will just talk about two of the poems from my book. Here is the first one, that I wrote during the Winter Olympics on Lillehammer in 1994:

Championships

Best, best, best!
Number two becomes depressed!
And they´ve all been madly training,
all losing, none gaining,
really!

The reason I wrote it, was that I watched the news on Norwegian tv, and the sports section anchor was all upset and sad and confused because Norway had not won the gold medal in skiing today! He was so sad and confused, looking for the explanations to how it could be Norway only came in second, that he FORGOT TO MENTION WHO WON THE RACE! We did NOT get to know who actually DID get the gold medal of the day!!!

How embarressing is that. It was one of those moments where I was extremely glad that Norwegian is a language not many foreigners understand. We were hosting this world wide event. We took 90% of the gold medals or something like that. (Not very polite from a host, hahaha…) And then this.
It made me feel.
And so I wrote.
The above piece.

(Ps, I played soccer from age 8-16, I did ballett and jazz and hip hop dancing, I play badminton and still love to dance until I´m exhausted. So I´m not an anti athletics chick. I just don´t like to go for a run. Just wanted to specify that, so the funny top poster doesn´t make you think I´m non movable or allergic to sweating or something. Media has this great big mission going on these days, judging anyone who doesn´t go to a gym at least 3 times a week. Well sod them. Bullies).

Moving swiftly on, keeping this short keeping this short… 🙂

One more poem from my book:

Feeling Powerless

Please don´t rock my boat.
I´m off to never-never-land
enjoying never-never-mind
the bloody bombs of battle.
Please let me keep dozing;
I´m happy being cattle!
Nothing I can do or say
will make things better anyway,
just wake me on a better day,
I´ll help by clapping hands…

Yes.
Passified population
allowing greed for oil to rule the nation
beieving what they tell us on tv:
“We are the lucky land of pure and free!”

(These four lines were created in the herenow, inspired by typing this post).

I end this blogpost with a very funny facebook poster I found in my stream yesterday.
Humour is the best tool when you want to say something sensitive and serious.
I hope it won´t get my blog hacked. Telling the truth puts people in jail these days.
Let´s hope one is still allowed to tell a joke.

oil on sarturns moon

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