Category Archives: Sexuality

Empowered Women Rise and Shine :)

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Found this video “What if I knew I´m beautiful?” floating past in my facebook-stream this morning, so I want to share it with you. I like what she has to say. Why do we pretend that we don´t know we are beautiful, girls? To be polite? To be nice girls, that boys can come and save from our weak and helpless inconfident selves?! 🙂

What If I Knew I Was Beautiful

Posted by SOML on 20. juli 2015

A couple of minutes later, I found this article. I still haven´t figured out how to copy articles from Facebook directly onto my site here, so I have copy pasted it. Please note my utter respect for the writer KATE ROSE, who created this (to me) eye-opening, spirit-uplifting text for us to enjoy:

Kate Rose Via Kate Rose on Jul 29, 2015

*warning: f-bombs dropped below!

For the Women With Balls Who Do Give a F*ck.

This one is for you.

For the dream seekers and the rebels, the ones who not only don’t fit into the mold—they fucking break it as well.

This is for the women who do give a fuck.

We give a fuck about ourselves, our lives and those that matter most to us—but mostly we give a fuck about making a difference in this one amazing life.

We know that we weren’t born to play life small, and while life has tried to smack us down at times, we stand right back up asking—is that all you’ve got?

This is for the women with the balls to be themselves—unapologetically.

Yes, the balls.

Because having balls isn’t about what’s hanging between the legs of a man—but what we are willing to risk, to go after what we love.

This is for the women who stay up late chasing dreams, and are up early with the sun making them a reality.

This is for those women with thirsty hearts and messy hair—the ones who march to the beat of our hearts and often find ourselves alone because of our choices.

This one is for you, for me, and for all the women who often wonder if they are alone in their individuality.

You’re not.

And although we are as unique as they come, we all are linked because of the desire to break free from the expectation that we need to be well-behaved women in order to be loved.

We can’t follow the rules for the life of us. When given the choice we always choose the most difficult road, because that is where we often learn the most.

This is for the women who take care of themselves. We are masters at keeping our shit together, even when it seems we can’t take one more step.

This is for the women who tuck themselves into bed each night. It’s not because we don’t want a lover with us, but because we know that, unless it’s genuine, solitude is so much sweeter than putting on an act.

This is for the women who just won’t conform no matter how many times people shake their heads at us.

These are the women who drink moonshine underneath the stars with their bare feet dirty, and their eyes wild dreaming of their next adventure.

The women who prefer to be untamed. We don’t care about letting our crazy show because we know it’s just as seductive as the pull of our eyes.

This is for all the women who’ve had people ask why we can’t just be like everyone else. Why can’t we stay in unhappy relationships? Why can’t we just stay with the secure job? Why can’t we just suck it up because we are adults? That is what adults are supposed to do.

But we were born differently. Where others see stability, we see stifling.

We dream of a life that fills us with inspiration, and we dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for.

We don’t know how to give up on the desires of our hearts.

And while we may seem to wander aimlessly at times, it’s all part of our un-plan. Because some are just born to be the movers and shakers in this life—to rattle and shake things up a bit.

And while we may drive you crazy at times, and scare the shit out of you at others, life would be boring without us.

For we are the wild ones—the ones who make life worth living.

*******************************************
The End
*******************************************

Isn´t that just awesome?! I dig it!

“This one is for you, for me, and for all the women who often wonder if they are alone in their individuality.

You’re not.

And although we are as unique as they come, we all are linked because of the desire to break free from the expectation that we need to be well-behaved women in order to be loved.”

AMEN, GIRLFRIEND !!

🙂

I finish this post with a slogan poster, which also will become the face illustration of my post, if I know WordPress well enough:

no validation woman powerful

Not that we want to be feared, do we. I don´t. But it just says a lot about society, that a woman who does not need others to validate her, a woman who claims she has the right to feel plenty good enough without anyone else agreeing with her that she is… why would such a person be feared?

Because she is free?
Outspoken and independent?
Is that not a good thing?

If you have an answer to these questions, please do send me a comment.

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Body Image

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not get out alive

Until I got pregnant first time age 32, I had a perfect body (in my own view at least). Slim, athletic and strong, a size s/m, which I could slip into a pair of Levi´s and a funky t-shirt, and that was that, ready to roar and to score. 🙂

I never wore make-up or high heels. As I think those shoes are uncomfortable and unhealthy and unpractical. And lipsticks smells weird, and mascara smudges and I don´t feel I have all that time to spend in front of a mirror. (I wear mascara and an eyeliner sometimes when I go to a party, that´s as far as it goes).

Well. Now that I have born three children, my body has changed. A lot and for good. I suspect.
No more slim waistline. And a few kiloes heavier than before.
Just after I stopped breast feeding, I have all three times gone down to the size I was at age 25.
But sadly, the weight has changed back up again a few months later.

I do eat healthy. Very little fat and sugar. Lean meats, chicken, fish, fruit and vegetables mostly.
I´m cutting down on the wheat. Dark bread in smaller amounts. If pasta and rice, then darker looking versions. Not so much potatoes either.
But.
Not too sure it will help loads.
And you know what?
I can´t be bothered!

I refuse to go jogging. I HATE that activity.
I would love to dance more. But don´t have a lot of time for it.
(And if it happens at night on a dance floor, I will be quenching that thirst with drinks full of calories oh yes I will)!
I do those…what are they called in English… kegel exercises… I recognize they are vital.
I would do badminton if I could find a friend and a time that fits my young children schedule.

Anyways.

freedom is being yourself

I do not allow anyone to tell me what I´m supposed to look like to be accepted.
Men just look like themselves and no one thinks about it.
It is not my duty to look pretty!

a real woman

As for what about the feeling of being sexually attractive?
Well, in my (not so humble) opinion, being sexually attractive does not have that much to do with the way your body looks. It´s got more to do with the vibe you send out, your self confidence, your radiating that you feel at home inside youself, you look at people with a spark in your eyes, showing you have plenty of energy and a sense of humour, and you can see straight through anyone, into the child within that each of us truely remains at core… That´s attractive to me. That´s sexy.

Yesterday I went to the mainland to see my dentist, and the weather was all wet and windy, more autumn than June look-alike… After the dentist I strolled the walking street, grateful to be out and about all alone, not having to deal with kids´ requests all the time… I decided to go into my favourite café, Queen Louise´s, at Esbjerg´s town square, and when I came in, the perfect corner table by the window was standing there waiting for me!

This was the view I had, from my Chesterfield sofa:

20150602_145848

So I ordered a pint of a brilliant lager (“Fynsk forår”; “Fyn-ian (Danish County) Spring”)…
And as I usually do, I wrote a few texts.
It is the most relaxing thing to me. Pen and paper, alone at a café table, those soothing noises of people chatting in the background, some 80s pophits on low volume…the sips of beer..adore it.

Here is one of the pieces I wrote, which is why I write about this issue Body Image today:

Body Image

Maybe you think my ass is too wide
or my face a bit wrinkly or my tummy too big.
But “sexy” is a quality I carry in my stride,
in my glance when it lingers unafraid where I want.
My body´s my ship, it´s no longer a new one.
But this captain has eyes that have conquered and won.
My hips love to dance and my lips they have humour.
Sexy becomes me, I will never be done.

woman her own best friend

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Children´s sexuality

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A cute little episode happened in our bathroom Friday morning, as my fiveyearold, my threeyearold and myself were getting ready to go to Kindergarten.
We were brushing teeth and getting our clothes on, when my threeyearold boy suddenly asked me if I would kiss his “pee-man”.

(In Danish we call pee “tiss” and a willy/dick/penis we call a “tissemand”, “pee-man”. Especially that´s the name we use when we talk with children about that bodypart. And a girl´s equivalent is called a “tissekone”, which means “pee-wife”. Aren´t they useful and sweet labels?!
In Norwegian we also say tissemann, but there is no word for the female one.
Often we just say “the pee-er”, “tissen”, for both genders´genitals).

I thought it was ever so innocent and touching that my son asked me to do this. I tickle and cuddle and kiss him everywhere else, why would that area be any different? It was clearly time for me to tell him something about it.

So I said; “I´m sure it would feel nice to have your pee-man kissed. But only one´s girlfriend or boyfriend is allowed to do that”. (In Danish/Norwegian the word is “kaereste”, that means “dearest”)

“Your peeman, and your peewife (looking at my little daughter), is for only yourself to play with and enjoy, until you get a dearest, then she can kiss your pee-man, and you can kiss and play with her pee-wife”.

“Mothers and fathers are not allowed to kiss children´s peeman and peekone”, I continued. “It belongs to you only. And grownups can also never be the boy-or girlfriend of a child. A child can only be girl-or boyfriend with an other child. Every grownup knows it is not allowed. If police comes, then they will go to jail for playing with children´s peeman or peewife.
And also, sisters and brothers can not kiss or play with eachother´s peeman and peewife. ONLY when you have a dearest”.

My fiveyearold, who was also listening, and who has heard about these things a couple of times before, added:

“Yes, it´s like you are the girlfriend of daddy. So YOU can kiss HIS peeman.”

I had to keep myself from laughing, and just kept a straight face and the same “but-of course-ish” tone of voice that she was using. To her this was just logical reasoning, no shame attached… So I said “Yes! That is absolutely correct! That´s the way it is.” And gave her a big smile.

Then we just continued our preparations, and soon we were on our way to kindergarten.

I am very proud of my way of dealing with the issue of sexuality with my kids. I have always just answered their questions openly, honestly and without letting my own… maybe hardships with shame, general inhibitions…, shine through. It is not always easy to do, but it gets easier with practice.

They are innocent, they live in these bodies, and I would so much want for them to keep feeling natural and good about their bodies and their sexual feelings. It is so deeply rooted in us, sexuality, or how to say it. It´s part of our core, it has such a great influence on our feelings of identity, self worth… it is a question of spiritual, mental and physical health. I will guard their sexuality from attacks of shame, guilt, sin, taboo and all that stuff society will be throwing at them as they get older.
I want them to keep their innocence and naturalness intact, so it will be easier for them in puberty and in adulthood.

Also, I will keep informing them. Anything they want to know about sex and sexuality, I will answer them openly and honestly. I want them to feel they can ask me anything and never feel scorned or laughed at, pushed away because the grownup gets shy. Such a sensitive issue, difficult to talk about for all of us, we get embarressed…
If I want my kids to be able to ask me their questions as they appear in puberty, that openness and trust must be between us right from the start. I can see the effect with my eldest. She is ten now. And we do talk openly, she does come to me and ask the difficult questions. That fact makes me feel very proud.

I share this anecdote with you, not for the entertainment of a little boy´s innocent question. But because I feel this is an extremely important issue.
How do we raise our children into responsible sexual adults?
How do we make them healthy, and keep their self worth intact, and help them understand the rules of sexual interactions?
Teach them the preciousness of their sexuality, that it is perfectly fine to enjoy the sensations, us adults do to, and that genitals is equipment they can use for making a baby when they are grown, to become a lucky mother or a lucky father, and have the cutest babies, just like their own lucky parents…

Let them be proud of themselves, and guide them gently so they don´t lock up their sexuality thinking it is forbidden, dirty, a confusing thing that adults obviously are against for some reason they never give.

The world needs healthy sexuality.
How we choose to parent on the issue of sex, is of utmost importance.
Balanced, self respecting young people who have a peaceful, joyful approach to sex.
It would greatly influence world peace.
No less.

image

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Sexuality

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I want to say something on this universally enormously important human subject. I wanted to start out with the music video of the Culture Club song “Sexuality”, from their album “From Luxury to Heartache” (80-something), but youtube won´t allow the video of that song to be played. So. Hm. Then I stumbled upon this one, by a woman I only discovered yesterday, thanx to a friend of mine. So I choose this song by her instead of Culture Club´s then, hope she   won´t mind:

Spiritual poemsong – pong –  ….    :o))

Quite some woman this, huh. Funny and strong.

And so let me start my talk on sexuality. It´s a mighty fine thing, this thing, this one of our basic instincts. It gives us pleasure, it connects us in the most profound way, and it even causes babies to be born. Rather magical.

Then isn´t it tragical, that the religious dogooders, top hooders, claim they speak for the All Mighty when they say this joyfilled instinct is one to avoid dwelling on, one to feel shameful and guilty about, that the natural feelings inside our divine, God given bodies, should be surpressed, not expressed, never used unless it´s for making a baby?

I think maybe, just maybe, there is a God or a Goddess, sitting on a cloud, shaking her head, saying to herself, “silly preachers, that is not what I said, and not what I ever meant, if it was such a sin then you would not have been given that heartopening, beautiful thing!”

Sex is for pleasure and joy and connection.

Not the porn way. I disagree with porn. It´s just always all about some man´s private part and the things it would like to do. The woman is the object, not the subject. If she is active, it´s in a way that his private part would like her to behave, not in a way she herself would choose to do things. Often the woman or women involved is abused, violated, raped, and she pretends to enjoy it. It is to me a sick industry. And a sickening one as well, indeed.

Erotic litterature, though. Or film. Is a completely different issue. Where adult, equal partners meet, in reciprocity, both respected by eachother, both enjoying acts of friendly, tender or playful, maybe forceful, sex games…

Then, when it happens lovingly, volunteerily, the involved parties being equal. Then I don´t see the point in people saying that they must not be two men together or two women, or more than two people, and not do this and not do that.

If everyone involved has given their concent, their honest yes (between adults. Children and animals can not give their yes in an equal way to an adult person). Then what they choose to do together is nobody´s business but their own. That´s how I see it. It´s their private right to be sexual the way they feel good about. As long as it is not harmful to others.

Also, I find it complete unbelievable that the church and other religious institutions around the world, that they claim they can forbid homo sexuality. What….. isn´t every being created by God in their view? Why were homosexuals created? For priests to have someone to be evil to?

I don´t believe in sexuality being a set of boxes. One called homo, one called hetero, and one in the middle called bi. I think our sexual energy is more like a ray. And it attracts individuals who beam at a certain frequency, similar to our own. Or frequency is maybe just meant to describe sound waves…? Well then, let sexuality be a sound wave, why not, I don´t mind. We all radiate radio rays…? Radio gaga…

🙂

Freddy Mercury. What a man. So talented. As is Boy George as well. And Prince. David Bowie. Many more than I can think of this moment.

Why is it so scary, sexuality? I don´t get it.

And why can´t people just love freely who they want? We can´t help who we fall in love with, can we?! I remember a close friend of mine telling me how she, as a kid, sat in the classroom, feeling in love with a girl in her class, and she just knew that this was something horrible, it made her abnormal, it had to be hidden at all cost, or else she would be an outcast, bullied for the rest of her schooldays, she had to pretend to be tough and cold and cool, preferably the coolest of all the coolest kids.

She spent years in therapy as an adult. To forgive herself for not accepting herself as she was. She is openly gay now, happily together with a very nice woman. But it has not been easy for her to grow up in Norway in the 80s, being gay.

What else do I want to say.

Yes, I want to mention tantra. Not that I´m an expert at all. But I´m fascinated with this old, wise way from India. I bought a video about tantra once. It showed a couple. First they sat looking into     eachother´s eyes for a very long time. Then they sat opposite eachother and touched eachother gently, stroking eachother´s faces, arms…. all very slowly, whilst being conscious about breathing deeply and calmly, remaining in eye contact together… when they started having intercourse, their aim was not to speed up towards orgasm, but to avoid orgasm, stopping, pausing when energy reached high, then continuing again slowly when it became possible to move again… they explained that the sexual energy then was recirculated into their bodies, this could go on for many hours, everything becoming vibrant, the contact between the two becoming so strong, intimate, warm, grateful, loving, happy…

It is actually often this kind of approach sex therapists use when they give advice to couples who can´t rekindle the fire that used to be between them. They are told to go home, just look at each other, not touch. Next day, lie close to each other face to face, fully dressed, no genitals touching…. and so forth until they after a week or so of this kind of intimacy build-up, are allowed to try and go all the way…

It´s a form of sexuality that makes room for the female energy…. I say without competence… it´s just a feeling I have… Women need to feel emotionally connected, intimate psychologically, before opening up physically…. not every woman, and not even most women most of the time, when we know our partner, opening up can be very quick and easy and uncomplicated. But other times…. to connect…. build intimacy beyond the touching of private parts…. is a good idea. And will do wonders. Everyone should experiment with this. It can only bring good consequences.  🙂

What else. Is there more to say about sexuality? Oh yes. Heaps. But I think maybe this is all I want to say about it right now.

Let there be joy, let there be equality, let there be laughter and freedom in the bedroom. Let us enjoy the nature we have been blessed with. We are meant to do this crazy thing, that´s why we feel like doing it so much! Hahaha….. drop the shame and the guilt, it does not belong to you, somebody taught you to think it is wrong and dirty, and shame on them for being violent like that towards innocent human beings.

Be yourself, accept when someone says no to you, and remember to say yes if you mean yes. Very important. Be honest, be real, be horny and be happy. Be responsible, be kind, be peaceful and playful.

Hallelujah, praise the Goddess

for giving us this wonderful thing called sexuality.

Am I right or am I right. You can feel how right I am, right?

🙂

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