Letting Go

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To me, it is not so easy to let go.
Be it things or be it people, they hold value to me and so.
The luggage from the past continues to grow.
Making my dusting and tidying slow.

broken plate

This is a plate of mine, which I have had since I was little, 70s or 80s. Isn´t it cute?
My eldest daughter broke it on the kitchen floor yesterday. As happens. She wants to glue it back together. I said let´s just throw it away, this is what life does. It breaks things. Everything here is temporary, and with one old item gone, there is room for a new item, symbolizing the present moving into the future, rather than the memory of times bygone. New memories to be made.

We will see. She is crafty, my daughter. I have not thrown it away yet, will give her the chance to try and fix it. (Although glued I´m not sure it will be hygienic to eat from anymore… oh well. Probably I can throw it away in a week, after she has had a time limit and postponed past it).

She is a lot like myself, my eldest daughter. Sees opportunities and meaning in everything. Anything can be used in many ways. Give her a piece of bubble wrap and she makes a dress and a pair of shoes out of it in half an hour! 🙂 (That example actually did happen).

In the bathrooom we have her drawings on the walls. Actually her drawings are all over the house. As she is really talented! Her choice of colours… her drawing style… way beyond any level I will ever reach.

But our house is little, and wall space is scarce, so we actually need to put up shelves where we can. We are five people after all.

This art piece of hers has been hanging in the bathroom for a year or so.

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Its title is “Forest Monster”. I adore it.
But of late, it has lost two pins holding it up, and so today I decided to take it down. That piece of wall would be great for a shelf, for all her newly aquired make-up. Which it would be nice to keep out of reach of the 5 – and especially the 3- yearold.

I took her art piece outside in the yard and photographed it. I ended up taking pics of the details as well.
I think they could make nice backgrounds for a poem. As well as visual pieces for a video poem…

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Haha, I so love the way she has used the yarn…

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The butterfly up there…. makes me believe that the elastic band next to it, is a horse fly…
(Have to ask her, though. Not sure my interpretation matches her intention. Then again, such is art. Its meaning is up to both the maker and the receiver, I think art is better when it gives the “reader” space, for his/her own interpretation of its meaning…)

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Love the horizontal feather.
Love feathers in general. Symbolizing both flight, air, thought and writing. To me.

A third item I will try to let go of, is this beautiful lady here. Who my father´s father brought home from one of his many long trips at sea. From Cuba 1950 possibly. She used to hang on the wall in their hallway, I grew up downstairs from them so she has fascinated me since I could crawl up the stairs, she was somehow greeting me on arrival, next to the copper key cupboard with a raindeer on it. (Which yes of course, I have held on to that as well, it´s keeping our keys safe in our hallway as we speak…)!

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Isn´t she lovely… to say it with that nice tune from Stevie Wonder…

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Alas, she is broken. Made of plaster. Part of the palm tree trunk is missing. And the piece with her water jar, is loose, I just lay it carefully next to her for the photo…

Me I´m not a very practical person. Or I would just glue her, paint her… Maybe I can give her to an artist friend of mine. I have several of them, who may want to spend time and love on her.
I don´t even have a wall to hang her on if she wasn´t broken, though.

Can you hear how hard this is for me? To let her go?
She is valuable to me. Carries memories of my deep love for my grandparents, who now both have departed.
I thought these photos could allow me to throw the object itself away, now I have captured her spirit so to speak, in the picture. But I think I will have to talk to my artist friends and see if someone can use her in some way. She is far too beautiful to end her days in a dumpster.

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This next item, I have already let go of. I gave it to a friend´s daughter for her birthday.

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It´s a skirt that Viola found in a fancy store in Chantabury in Thailand, March 2013, she was almost 3.
She fell in love with this skirt, I think it was the most expensive thing we bought on our whole 8 week long trip! Hahaha…. She has always been so decisive about what she wants to wear and not. Much different from her older sister Lava, who would just wear what I suggested, until age 5-6-7 somewhere.

(I remember taking Viola to find a new dress for christmas, later that same year. She was in no doubt whatsoever, just picked the dress straight away and to all the alternatives I presented, she just shook her head. Then she found the shoes. And in 5 minutes she had chosen the shoes she wanted. No hesitation. Amazing to see). 🙂

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The inside of the garment. So well made. I almost regret having given it away. But hey.
I already have a chest full of baby clothes that I could not get rid of as they grew out of it. That I will give to grand children some day. I can NOT house much more of that stuff!
Also because I have in store inherited clothes for all three of them. I save a lot of money that way, and I save hurting the planet as well. An ecological as well as an economical consideration.
But it takes up a lot of room. That we basically don´t really have. So. Yeah. It is a nice skirt and it holds a wonderful memory, and now we can remember it when we see the picture. Basta! 🙂

Of course it is also nice to know it will make another little girl we love, happy, wearing it.

Here is one more thing leaving our house these days:

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It is a picture Lava has made. Well. She made the palm leaves and had not finished Jesus on the donkey.
And then she was at home ill the day they were to finish their pictures, so a class mate was told by the teacher to finish Lava´s. How stupid is that?! Who would want an other person to finish their picture?!

I have held on to it because I think it is such a clever idea to paint the scene from bird perspective, as we call it in Norwegian… to see something from above…
But it will leave us now. Lava hates the look of Jesus and the donkey, and I have to agree it isn´t… Well, it could certainly look better.

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This picture I took last time we visited my mother-inlaw´s grave.
“In the heart kept, never forgotten.”
It was herself that chose the stone and the words, back when her husband Paul Walter died in October 2007. She also made sure there was a little vase in the corner of the stone, just big enough for a small bouquet of wild flowers. Or the kind of pot that we always buy in the same shop on the way there, these days.

She died 30.of September last year. Suddenly and shockingly. We miss her a lot. But grieving luckily changes form and content as time passes. We cry a lot less now. It will make her happy to see that.

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One day each one of us will leave it all behind. All material things. Every gathered item and photo.
Take with us only what we have stored in our consciousness. And move on into the life between lives.

Let me finish up by sharing my favourite Leonard Cohen song.
The video is a bit odd, but. Nothing I directly object to in it, so. Let´s enjoy the interpreting of the added meaning.

This song is for you Ellen Leonhardt, my dear sweet wise mother-inlaw. I don´t think I got to play this one for you. I´m pretty sure you like it. 🙂

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4 thoughts on “Letting Go”

  1. I love the way many of your thoughts and concerns dovetail with mine. This afternoon I am going to a knot-tie of two lovely people in their sixties. I went to the hen party last night and it was lovely meeting all the families. And this morning I took out my little smock dress, the first one I remember wearing when I was 3. I will photograph it first, iron around the tiny moth holes and see who may like to have it next…

    1. Oh Fiona, that sounds lovely with your dress… and yes, isn’t it funny how themes seem to float between us midspace…I often find seeing yours and other friends’ facebook walls surprisingly relevant and similar to my own reflections at that point in time… feels so good qhen it happens. Enjoy your friends’ wedding, their tuktuk type wedding car looked just awesome! 🙂

  2. Oops! Missed out the Hastimgs bit of my website and email address in my first comment. I wonder if you will still have got it, as I haven’t time to write it again. Making a frangipane tart for a wedding later! And then off on retreat for the week-end. Thank you, dear Lene, for your honest reflections.

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