Myself, I´m a kind of lone wolf, or wolverine… moving solo, mixing into many different set groups and cliques, yet not belonging to any of them, never felt the probably comfortable inclusion of identifying with a set group… Which suits me fine, it´s who I am. I prefer to move freely, swiftly, going with my feelings rather than with obligation.
Well, now I am part of this education group. In vocal sound therapy under the eminent leadership of Githa Ben-David. We are about 30 people. All strong personalities, distinct individuals. No one is asked to conform, and surely none of us would be willing nor able if we were asked to, I suspect, hehehe…
But we share these intense experiences. As we are taught how to help people free themselves from trauma, using sound. through the human voice. And we are shown the methods using ourselves. So most of us have been in the middle of the circle on a massage table of chair, being led through the release of old stuck memories, expressed in sound. Blockages in our systems, hindering energy flow. Removed.
It is so interesting, fascinating and wonderful to see, and to experience. Yet very intense as well.
Unique bonds develope. Between all of us, collectively. We are all in this together. We all stand there vulnerable and shaky, in turn, and feel the loving quiet support from all the others. A circle.
I don´t know what else to call it.
It is….I feel so grateful to be part of it. To experience this unity. This sheltered warmth…
I find it hard to believe in, some times. But every time when I meet the group again, the feeling is there. Acceptance. Belonging. Support and understanding. We are in this together.
I dread when the course if over. December. It´s been two years.
We are planning to meet up again next April/May, for a weekend, to share our experiences as fresh vocal sound therapists. I hope we can make that meeting a reality.
Once the education is finished…I lose that group belonging. It is going to feel… empty… I have lived without it all my life until now, but now knowing what a group belonging feels like, it will feel empty in a way I don´t know yet.
Yes, I will keep in touch with the ones I feel closest to. And hopefully we can all meet again once or twice, maybe more. But it will not continue like it is now. I´m going to have to let go.
I´m not always so good at letting go. I attach and hold on. I´m good at that. Grow intimacy. Share personal views and emotions. To let go of something I appreciate and value, though… A challenge and a half, that. Not something I choose freely.
But now I´m all into the future, worrying. No good that. The future is an illusion, it only exists in my mind. Better be present in the presence.
Wrote a short piece about that after the lunch break at our course last Saturday. I told the two fellow students I sat with, that I was getting impatient with the process of receiving a source of income. It is actually not easy to remain calm and feel certain that things (read: Money!) will come to me.
One of my fellow students replied that there was no use in worrying, and she asked me, what is actually the worst that can happen?
She advised me to choose to be in the present tense only, so that I could see the signs and receive the inputs from the universe clearly, not be fogged by worries of the future…
After lunch, I ran to my notebook and scribbled down these lines, I think they are quite charming… 🙂
moving into and through
moment by moment
here and here
now and now
then what will be
What is the worst that can happen?
Non damagable Spirit
Have No Fear
Just Be Here
is One with You
Through and through and through
more and more and more All You
This song just appeared in my head, so. Let´s go along with that. It´s a kind of meditation song. Lyrics repeated. Important lines of truth. Which have touched me deeply. Connected me to old memories of hurtful situations in my younger years. Allowed release of tears. Cleansing.
And while that one seemed pretty mushy-hearted, I just fell in love with this next video made to another song by Shaina Noll…! All these photos of happy children from around the planet… irresistable. They just make me feel happy. Isn´t it strange how impressionable we are, us humans…? (Or at least I am)!
I do feel a bit mushy-hearted today, you see. More than usual.
As I had a client on my massage table today, who introduced herself by saying:
“I am dying. I know you can not fix me. Also I am ready to leave this lifetime. But if I could just get some soothing for my lungs, so I can breathe a bit better… I saw a video of Githa doing sound therapy, I contacted her and she sent me to you… will you please try to help me?”
That´s when everything is put into perspective. No space for jokes or critical discussions. Just an open enquiry. Can we just try and see if this hopefully can have an effect?
I felt so humble. Moved.
Tones came through. And the overtones were softer, somehow dimmer… intuitively I did less of the high tones and spent more time giving deep ones… I spent a lot of time sending rather deep, mellow tones onto her lungs… She fell asleep a couple of times during that hour, which is a good sign.
Afterwards we both felt it had been a good session. She will hopefully notice an effect in the coming days. We talked about how the resonnance sounded different, weaker or kind of dimmer, than usual, and agreed that maybe it has to do with her life energy being low…her departing… She scheduled another appointment in about two weeks time, and casually said that if she was dead, her husband would give me a call and let me know she would not be coming…
I asked her if she has heard about Elizabeth Kübler-Ross (See my post dealing with death). She had. She knew as much as myself. She had her convictions and she was resolved. She would like to stay, but with the condition her body was in, she just felt like sleeping.
She touched my heart. I hope I see her again. On this side, I mean.
Special day today for me. So grateful to have met her in this way.
I end this post with this beautiful image. The path.