I’m sitting in my sofa corner watching morning television. Have been doing a bit of that this week, as I’m so tired, and still not quite well from that easter virus the bunny brought.
Today they send directly from the 75.birthday celebration of the Danish Queen Margrethe. Interesting to a foreigner like me. She is a very popular queen. Wise and warm, and even open about her political viewpoints. Particularly about the duty of welcoming refugees who live in Denmark, that integration is a two way process. I really like her a lot.
Apart from that special event, I watch a series on hoarders. People who have gathered so much stuff/ junk that they almost can´t get into their homes anymore. Quite heartbreaking. They all seem to have started hoarding after they suffered a big loss in their lives, like the death of a life partner or parent or child… The programme is interesting, but it lacks the aspect of really helping the hoarder, to heal what caused the imbalance. There is a psychologist present in the process of tidying up, but. I would like to learn more about the illness itself, and how one can help a person with that symptom.
After Hoarders, comes Dr.Phil. Now him I do love. Always have. Some days his show is about some crime case, and so I switch off. But most times it´s about domectic violence, or other conflicts between people, often within a family… very interesting. He helps a lot of people. Both the ones who come to his show, and the ones who watch it on tv and learn that others have similar problems to myself, and they are solvable… “End the silence on domestic violence”. Is the slogan of his and his wife´s campaign. They have created an app for mobile phones, that allows victims of domestic violence to press a button that immediately starts recording the sounds in the room, plus it sends sms to friends or 911, whatever one has programmed it to do…so someone can come and interrupt the bad situation… genious.
After Dr.Phil, there´s a programme called Undercover Boss. That´s quite new to me. American show, where a boss goes under cover in his own business, disguised as a person who is taking part in a tv competition of some sorts (hence the camera crew)… he or she visits three of the shops in the chain, like a burger chain or a skiing resort with different departments… After having spent three days working on the floor in different ways, getting to know the employees as persons, and listening to their views on their workplaces… then he drops the disguise and confronts the employees. And he (or she) sits there face to face with the employees one by one and talks about what he has learnt from being undercover. The boss says stuff like “I want to give you 40.000 dollars to get your brother into a drug rehab centre”, or “I want to pay for your children going to college”, “I want to pay your debts off”, “I want you to take your husband on a nice holiday, but before you do that I will pay for you to go visit your dying mother in Italy…”
The employees break down in tears as the burdens in their lives are lifted off their shoulders.
I get moved by seeing their emotions. I feel the great relief, but I also feel sad. Because people struggle so badly out there. So few get lucky to be on Undercover Boss or Extreme Makeover… what about the millions of other people who owe hospitals several hundred thousand dollars for the med care of their husbands, who died…?
I´m glad that I live in Scandinavia. Where health care is paid for by our taxes. And university education is free. These are huge corner stones in the building of a happy life. Safety. And the right to pursue one´s dreams of a career… Land of the free? What does that mean? Free to… struggle?
This lady sounds British, but. We struggle across the board these days, don´t we. Many of us.
Lying on the sofa watching tv, makes me feel a bit down. It sucks to lie there and doze and watch and doze off again, too tired and flat to do anything else than just lie there. After four hours of it, I go and pick up my kids. When they have eaten and start playing at home, I fall asleep on the sofa for another hour again! I hope it changes soon. It´s been 2-3 weeks now!
Think about all the people with post traumatic stress syndrom, or fibermyalgia, or depression, anxiety… all the illnesses that really handicaps you and stops you from doing things. To feel desperate within to get things done, to get energy to cope with just the basics of cooking and cleaning…and you just can´t, your energy level stops you, or your inner fear and panick does…
Compared to all those people, I don´t really have a problem. In some days I will be back on my feet.
Some times I wonder why I´m not just totally happy all the time. I have health, and I am educated… But all my life I have been wondering what I´m supposed to “be”, work wise… I love to write, but I don´t feel to call myself a writer… I do lots of different things, so I could say I´m an artist somehow. But I have not gone to art school. And I don´t feel at home in that label either.
My late motherinlaw, she knew from she was a child that she wanted to write books. Yet life was hard back then, and she did other random things for income, didn´t write her first book until in her 60s. She published eleven books!
So I have told myself now recently, that I must stop wondering and pondering about what I “am”, and just do what I feel like doing. Write. And practice sound therapy.
If these two activities don´t bring me an income soonish, then I will go to the dole office and sign in. Let them tell me my options. I don´t know the Danish system, maybe they have ways to deal with people like me, that are better than in Norway ten years ago, when I was last unemployed.
With my three kids, I don´t really know how I will cope with all their dentist appointments etc etc if I go to work. But. Others do. So there must be a way. I just spent 3 hours Monday and 3 hours Tuesday on taking my eldest to the dentist, you see. Bringing the two little ones with us.
Yeah. I must just get well now soon, and then pick up again the sound therapy, contact people willing to let me practice on them. And update my blog more often than I´ve been able to lately.
For now, I will try to accept the tiredness. And just rest. Maybe I can watch a dvd tomorrow instead of all those help needing people. It´s comforting to know I´m not alone in the world, feeling things aren´t always so easy. But. A good film can probably help me in a different way, make me feel uplifted or inspired, give me back some faith that it´s all gonna work out moneywise real soon.
Let me finish with a clip from one of my favourite movies. “Veronica´s two lives”.
By Krzysztof Kieslowski. A truely amazing film maker.
Not the jolliest of messengers. But. Why does it always have to be so jolly? Life is serious too. And melancholic. And these atmospheres are enjoyable in their own ways.
By the way, the sound track for this film is worth listening to as well. I have played that soundtrack on cd more times than I can count. Very poetic.
I include this interview too. With Kieslowski. I met him once at a press conference in a film festival in my hometown Haugesund in Norway. (1991?) He made quite an impression on me. Love listening to him.