Hello everybody in our international interaction-net. Or at least hello those of you who visit my site here now. You made me do something extremely out of character last night. My blog peaked, you see. It had more visitors yesterday than any day before. Like twice the amount of the last time it peaked! I dont´t know why! But it made me so happy that when I went out to our local bar on the corner, to listen to the jam session, then instead of drumming politely on the table like I usually do, I SANG out as LOUD as I could. !!
Hahahaha….. I´m actually still in shock. I can play the piano and hand drums, I can dance very well, and I did sing my own songs on my videopoem installation “Linking” (it has its own post, where you can watch it).
…. but I have never been attracted to stages…… something has always stopped me from stepping up into the spot light. Maybe it´s been an unconscious fear of rejection that has stopped me, actually, I just thought of that now. When I was in high school, I was bullied. Not very aggressively or severely, but I´m very sensitive, so it was serious for me, the feeling of not being wanted by any of the classmates… sharp comments when I answered the teacher´s questions… Maybe there´s something there. Because yes, it would have felt devastating if I would have felt that the musicians didn´t want me to join them.
Maybe the reason I dared yesterday, or felt like it, coz I haven´t actually been stopping myself before, I have just not felt like participating more than the drumming from a distance… Yes, the reason I did it was also that I feel safe with the people on stage last night, I know them from other contexts, one works in the kindergarten, an other is my girlfriend´s son, a third plays violin, harmonica and bagpipe with my husband sometimes… I felt safe with them, and I also have this new level of self esteem within, after that soundhealing I told you about in “My SoundHealer Inauguration”.
But more than inner and outer security, trust…. it was you guys. My readers. All your amazingly positive comments. I am gobsmacked. My inbox is overflowing with love! Appreciation, gratitude, compliments… I hope my replies reach you. Haven´t replied to all 350 comments (!!!), but I hope my replies lie open to all, so you can see how thankful I am to each and every one of you.
Many of you have shared my site with a colleague or a friend, others have been shown it by a father or a cousin. Some of you ask if you can share my post in your facebook group as long as you give me credit and link to my site, and of course, what an honour, I am … just… Please share, the further my words reach, the happier I am… so grateful that what I write can be of help to others.
I don´t have a clue how so many find my site. As I have said before, I just write, my darling husband set up a wordpress blog system or what they call it, WordPress anyway. And since then I just write, and have found out how to link to youtube now, and paste a photo. Hurray. Progress! I hear that some say my site looks strange through Internet Explorer, I haven´t checked it out yet and either way I wouldn´t know how to solve it. Many of you say it loads surprisingly quickly, though, so I´m pleased with that.
I guess more and more people find my site because you readers tell your friends and family about it. That thought is a very heart warming one to me. I remember reading that the brilliant best seller book “The Celestine Prophecy” was printed by the author himself, and given to people. And people started buying copies for their friends, and that´s the way it grew into such a megahit. It´s almost romantic! All we need is Love… giving out freely, and good feelings grow and grow, spreading out like rings in a pond around a sinking stone…
Please keep sharing. Sharing is caring. That may sound a bit too rhymey, but. It´s still a little piece of truth. :o)
Quite a few of you have commented that you want to hear how it´s going after I put that jobapplication in the paper. It has not led to any concrete job offer. But what it has generated, is that people locally treat me differently! Very noticable. They feel they know me now, I guess. The amount of information I managed to tell in that open letter, normally takes years to learn about a person, doesn´t it. People smiled and con gratulated me on the “job ad” on the street, and approached me when I was delivering my kids in the kindergarten, asking me if I had gotten any job offers, and telling me about this and that, how her son was making a film at the moment for example… And one person came to my door, asking if I was ready to give treatments in sound healing soon, she had read in the paper I was doing Githa Ben-David´s course…
So. I´m more than pleased. I´m a known entity locally now. They know my qualifications. Or at least the qualification I claim to have. Hahaha… they also know I have nerve. And dare do things differently to how things are usually done. Which attracts interesting people into my circle. Like you guys. I really don´t know why that jobapplication post is the one that is hitting more reads than any of the other posts. I don´t mind not knowing this, though. I´m just incredibly happy there are people out there who value my writing. It´s a bit hard to believe. As I always wrote just for my own sake.
My husband says my ego is spinning totally out of control. Hahaha. No it won´t. But it is having a field day, a mighty good time with this loving attention from the blog comments, yes it is. And there is nothing wrong with that. Being accepted and recognized is one of the main human needs. I have experienced a lot of the opposite in my life. It is very healing for me to receive this huge wave of feeling understood and appreciated. My tribe does exist after all! Individual hearts around the globe beat in the same frequency as mine does. I am not alone. We are All One. <3
Right. I´m changing minidisc now. From “Tulku, Seasons of Souls” from 2002, to a Lee Perry anthology, his first words on track one; “Music to rock the nation….” LOVE that man.
I´m out in my ListeningHut in the garden. 2 by 2 metres big. Gift from my husband. Best gift I ever received. The kids are inside, with their dad, the eldest girl is composing a song with him on the keyboard. He digs that line she said (described in A pre teen talk); “When I become a teenager, you must lock me up! Don´t let me out of the house!” So he wants to make a song with her based around those words… 🙂 I feel so blessed that he is a musician and music teacher. A very seldom man. Very tolerant and patient, no sarcasm or irony, total respect for children as equals. Not that they get to rule the house at all. But that they are shown respect and trust. Coz if they aren´t, how can they themselves show others respect and trust? Which are two very important ingredients in equal relatings. And any other kind of relating is actually completely and utterly unacceptable to me.
But back to the job application and its consequences. I´m still without income. But I have the luxury of free time. To write on my blog. And to study sound healing. Tomorrow I will go by train and meet up with 4-5 of my fellow students at someone´s house, and we will practice our learnt method on eachother. I feel so close to them. I have never been a group person, I have always been part of many groups, but moved alone. This sound healing group is like coming home. I love them! It´s an incredible experience. We have shared many intimate things. In our training it is essential we heal ourselves of old traumas, so that we can be “clean channels”, empty enough to allow Light through. Or how to say it. We have been in regression, facing traumas from previous life times. Witch burning, shaman left by his tribe on the ice to die, a small child scared witless from being left behind alone in a dark pyramide as part of a ritual they practiced in ancient Egypt, a human sacrificing in Latin America where she lay paralized, drugged, whilst waiting to be sacrificed, which didn´t actually bother her in her drugged state, she felt it was an honour to be the chosen gift to the Gods…… yes, these things we have gone through, and with the person turning cries into long tones, our teacher guiding the person out of the trauma, energy blockages letting go and disappearing out of the person´s unconscious… We have shared so many intense, deeply personal happenings together. When someone else in the circle has similar energy blockages to the person in focus, they too start to cry. Cellular singing with domino effect. Then they too release their blockages, cry, join the singing… Githa´s trilogy is why I started this education. I think it is being translated into English as we speak. Extremely exciting stuff. 🙂
So. No money honey. Yet. But hopefully, this free time being invested in my blog and my course, will lead to moneyhoney soon. I do of course know that people can earn a living from blogging. And I hope that what happens is that advertizers just contact me if they want to advertize on my blog?? I don´t have a clue how it works. I have heard about Google Adwords and managed to open an account, but. No idea how to proceed from there. And it costs money to get adwords. Which I don´t have.
But if you readers keep sharing my site around, then maybe that will do the trick. That would be a great love story, if your sharing created a source of income. for me. Dream big, they say. Imagination is the only limitation.
Tomorrow I will test my fellow student´s massage table. I don´t have money to buy one of those either. But my husband says I can have one for my birthday. Which is the 25.this month. So maybe I will tell him I wish for the same as the one I will see tomorrow, as it´s a special offer Githa has organized for her students. The feeling that I really really need a massage table NOW, is new to me. Until that course weekend in January (My SoundHealer Inauguration post) I wasn´t sure at all whether I would embrace the role of therapist. But something just changed within me after that trance treatment. And now I feel confident and sure and excited to get going. An ACE feeling.
Yeah. So. The job ad. Has led to local good-will and feeling seen. Fanø is a very lovely place. 3000 people live here. In the summer we have 1 million tourist stayovers. (Not persons but nights of accomodation sold). It is a holiday hotspot for Danes and Germans. Lots of festivals here. An ENORMOUS beach. Woods and biking paths. Peace and quiet. I love living here. 80% of the population are immigrants. Which makes it easy to integrate. People are open to building new networks. There are lots of artists here, attracted by the light, to paint. Many authors as well. Denmark´s highest level of education. And most active ngo place in the country, there are loads of clubs for all kinds of interests. The folk music scene is strong. We have our own local tv station! I must share some photos of Fanø with you some time. Or better, you should come over and feel this place. Many people keep returning time and time again to Fanø in their Summer holidays. And some of them end up moving here.
The job ad letter has served its purpose. I now know that people here know I´m unemployed and looking for work, and they know what I can be used for. Basically anything. I knew before I sent the letter that work here on the island is very scarce. But now I know that if something comes up, people may think of me and contact me.
Actually, one more thing has come out of it. The local glassblower, her name is Charlotte le Ceur, I have helped her a couple of holiday seasons, standing in the till… she says she will check out whether I can get paid practice as a glass blower´s assistant! Meaning she would train me for 6 months, and I would have a small wages in that period. And after that, of course I would be her assistant. !!! Which is actually pretty hard work. The oven is 11oo degrees hot. And you know, glass. Demands high concentration, or mindfulness, zen here and now presence. Which isn´t really a problem. But I´m rather clumsy with practical actions in general…. I´m a much better thinker than a handywoman. Which is lucky, because if my thinking was as poor as my practicality skills…. hehehehe…. But she knows me. And we have a great chemistry. So if she can make that option come true, then I will go into training as a glass blower´s assistant! Amazing Grace.
What do I hope for? A lottery ticket. I just have to remember to put a ticket in, I always forget. But even if I had limitless funds, I would still write this blog, and finish my education and see what that leads to. Because those things fill me with joy. They are passions of mine. The glassblowing…. I´m not 100% sure I do that if the lottery blesses me. But I will definately want to keep helping out in the till in her beautiful workshop-shop. Lovely meditative space. Tourists come in and just sit down on the floor and watch her and her daughter work, creating colourful, fragile, esthetically soul nourishing items. Which cost a lot. So they are precious to the buyers. And I then wrap the expensive things in cardboard and off-white cotton home sown little bags, which I close by tying a piece of brown string around the bag´s opening, and from the string hangs a label where I have stamped her logo with an old fashioned stamp….. just the sound of the oven and my stamping those labels…. it is a very relaxing place to spend time. And I´m sure I will fall in love with being a glass blower´s assistant if it comes to it.
So that´s where I am now. I will tell you how everything develops. And call the post the same as this one, only chapter 3. Clever, huh?! :o)
I feel so proud, so grateful, so satisfied with myself. Hahahaha… Maybe I should write a song about it. And call it “Ode to my Ego”. Egos are useful things. They help us materialize our will. They just need to be held on a leash. But they must be allowed to celebrate success. Every feeling must be allowed to pass through our systems. But that subject deserves a blogpost of its own, an other fine day.
I will keep on posting. Thanks to your comments. Your encouragement and uplifting, is very motivating for me.
THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU !!! 🙂 <3 🙂